Ned Flanders: You're never bored paintin' the Lord.

Todd Flanders: (ENTERS) Daddy, could you help us with our school project?

Rod Flanders: We're huntin' vampire appliances!

Ned Flanders: (GRIMLY) Say no more.

Ned Flanders: Well, we pulled more plugs than a Dutch doctor. Now let's take a trip to the side of the house.

Todd Flanders: Yay!

Ned Flanders: (GASPS) Why that's a higher power than even I believe in. What is going on?

Homer Simpson: Hey! I was listenin' to that!

Homer Simpson: Absolutely not.

Ned Flanders: (SKEPTICAL) Really, really, really?

Homer Simpson: (MOANS) My one weakness: the third "really." Come with me.

Homer Simpson: Turn right here. I keep this frozen meat in case society collapses but we still have power.

Ned Flanders: Homer! This is my freezerino.

Homer Simpson: Seriously, I am getting so tired of those stupid Flandersisms.

Ned Flanders: It's the name of the freezer!

Homer Simpson: Okily Dokahama?!

Ned Flanders: Right next to Mount Fu-Gee, I'm glad to see ya!

Homer Simpson: It's all gonna thaw!

Homer Simpson: (TO MEAT, EMOTIONAL) Don't you give up on me!

Marge Simpson: I'll cook this meat, cut it up, and make it into sandwiches.

Homer Simpson: (STANDS HEROICALLY) And I will wait and worry!

Marge Simpson: (WIRED, FAST) ...so, I cooked the meat, sliced it up, made sandwiches, cut off the crusts, fed those to the dog...

Homer Simpson: Aw, somebody wants more crusts. Here you go, boy!

Homer Simpson: (SWEETLY) Here ya go. Have some more.

Homer Simpson: Still hungry, buddy?

Lisa Simpson: Dad, dogs don't know when to stop eating.

Homer Simpson: Lucky.

Marge Simpson: Ta-da!

Homer Simpson: (ADMIRING) Oh Marge, once again you've taken one of my screw-ups and turned it into food. Man, if only you could do that with Bart.

Bart Simpson: Mo-om! Dad's imagining me as food again!

Marge Simpson: He does it to all of us.

Grampa Simpson: Can someone put butter on me?

Homer Simpson: Familyicious. (DROOLS)

Grampa Simpson: C'mon, where's that butter?

Lisa Simpson: (SLEEPY, YAWNS) Hey mom, can you pack me a dozen sandwiches in my lunch tomorrow? Meat, no meat, it's all good.

Bart Simpson: Sandwiches, Mom. Fill 'er up. And the garment bag.

Marge Simpson: (CONCERNED) What's going on? Are you kids eating your feelings?

Lisa Simpson: No, whenever anything bothers me I harmlessly vent it to Maggie.

Bart Simpson: I smash fluorescent lights at the gravel pit. (COUGHS)

Marge Simpson: But that's so many sandwiches!

Lisa Simpson: Kids love 'em. We trade them at school.

Bart Simpson: They replaced cigarettes as our currency.

Marge Simpson: Bubble gum cigarettes?

Bart Simpson: Yeah, sure.

Homer Simpson: What are you doing here, freezer stealer?

Marge Simpson: Ned's letting us use his freezer to store the extra sandwiches.

Ned Flanders: Well, I felt a little guilty for taking back what belonged to me.

Homer Simpson: Woo hoo! Flanders isn't perfect!

Ned Flanders: Never claimed to be.

Homer Simpson: Yeah! And aren't!

TRUDY ZENGLER: (FAST) Marge, see this face? It's opportunity! Blink and you'll miss it.

TRUDY ZENGLER: Just kidding. I'm right behind you. I'm Trudy Zengler, vice president of development for "Mother Hubbard's Sandwich Cupboards."

TRUDY ZENGLER: How would you like to run your own business? Take control of your financial future!

Marge Simpson: Homie, how much money do we have put aside in case something happens to you?

Homer Simpson: None.

TRUDY ZENGLER: If that flashback you just described is true, you can't afford not to open this franchise.

Marge Simpson: (QUICKLY) I'm in.

Lisa Simpson: (EXCITED) Wow, Mom! You're gonna open a sandwich store?!

Marge Simpson: Uh-huh!

Bart Simpson: Mom, if you're gonna do this, there's one thing I need to know. And be honest. What's your soda refill policy?

Marge Simpson: All you can drink... if you buy a jumbo cup.

Homer Simpson: Careful, Marge, that's how I bankrupted a Pizza Hut.

Thought Bubble Homer: (GULPING, MONSTER-LIKE) Mmm, that's good. (GULPS) More, more! (GULPS) Refill! (GULPS) Free!

Manager: I...I just, I-- where is it going?

Marge Simpson: (EXCITED) My store. My offset spatula! Mine!

Krusty the Clown: Well, well, well. Seems like someone forgot there's a Krustyburger two blocks away.

Krusty the Clown: Go ahead, Teeny. Show 'em what we did to Arby's.

Krusty the Clown: (RUEFUL) She did the one thing I never could. Feed him.

TRUDY ZENGLER: You're a cool customer, Marge. And we've got your back. With everything from pre-sliced tomatoes, to the homey needlepoint on the walls.

TRUDY ZENGLER: And now, the best part of running your own franchise -- picking your Sammy Fammy! You'll want to avoid that. (POINTS O.S.)

Marge Simpson: Your monkey just ate all my turkey.

Krusty the Clown: (CONSPIRATORIAL) Do you want some monkey meat to replace it?

Marge Simpson: No!

Krusty the Clown: It's low-fat.

Gil Gunderson: As you can see, I was just two credits short at Southern Illinois, and-- (DESPERATE) I gotta be honest with you, Marge. I need this job bad.

Marge Simpson: (UNCERTAIN NOISE) You seem to have had, and lost, a lot of jobs.

Gil Gunderson: God, it's a new world, Marge. A whole new world. Why my Dad spent his whole life at one company. Started in the basement mailroom, and ended his career jumpin' out the window from the top floor.

Gil Gunderson: He was wearing this suit!

Gil Gunderson: Corpse suit.

Marge Simpson: (COUGHS, THEN:) I'm not sure (COUGHS) this is going to work out.

Shauna Chalmers: Oh, I get it. You won't hire me because I'm pretty. That can be a lawsuit.

Marge Simpson: No lawsuit! You're hired!

Shauna Chalmers: Okay, so, I don't want to do anything that'll ruin my manicure.

Marge Simpson: Well, what do you want a job for?

Shauna Chalmers: So I can get manicures. Duh!

Marge Simpson: Professor... could you say "Welcome to Mother Hubbard's Sandwich Cupboard" without making any other noises?

Professor Jonathan Frink: Of course I can, my dear child. (GREAT STRUGGLE) Welcome to... Mother Hubbard's... (CRACKING) uh... Sandwich mcboing boing glavin flyvy hyvy goyvyn and now I'm running to the Unemployment Office.

Marge Simpson: I'm too nervous to sleep.

Marge Simpson: I'm sorry I woke you up. I'm just so anxious about tomorrow. What if the store fails? What if I fail?

Homer Simpson: Well, you woke up the right man in bed.

Homer Simpson: I love you, Marjorie. And I've had my share of failures, sure. And sometimes I get pretty nervous. But thanks for talking it out with me. I think I can finally get to sleep now.

Marge Simpson: (PROTESTING) No! No, no, no! It was me that couldn't get to--

Homer Simpson: (SCARED-AWAKE NOISE) Make love now?

Gil Gunderson: Say there, buddy... are ya interested in our Two-For-One Tuesday?

Carl Carlson: (EXCITED) I never would have been, till I got this flyer!

Gil Gunderson: Interested in some exotic dancers, huh? Today's "Tell You Their Real Name" Tuesday.

Carl Carlson: Are you working two jobs here, Gil?

Gil Gunderson: No, and I resent the accusation.

Gil Gunderson: Tell me. It's pointing west, right?

Shauna Chalmers: Hello! (FIRMLY) No change for the meter.

Homer Simpson: No, no, (COY) I'd like to see the manager.

Shauna Chalmers: (CALLING) Mrs. Boss! Some fat blob wants to see you.

Homer Simpson: Marge, come on, let's celebrate! It's your first day!

Marge Simpson: Homie, I'm a little worried. Do you know there were no customers between two and four?

Homer Simpson: Hey, Tony Roma's wasn't built in a day. But don't worry. I told everyone about this place and they're all going to support you. You do have drone delivery, right? I kinda promised that.

Marge Simpson: We don't have drone delivery! You'll have to find a substitute!

Homer Simpson: Dammit!

Lisa Simpson: What's wrong?

Marge Simpson: Mother Hubbard Central expects you to buy a lot of stuff from them. Uniforms, fixins... it's like they don't care if you make money as long as they make money. What kind of corporation does that?

Gil Gunderson: (CONFIDENTIAL, STAMMERING) And I'm not trying to be political, but I'm the only one you can trust here. (POINTS TO FRONT ROOM)

Marge Simpson: Shauna! I saw that! I'm going to have to let you go.

Shauna Chalmers: Oh, so you're like firing me like in that movie where that girl gets fired?

Marge Simpson: I'm sorry.

Shauna Chalmers: If I'm fired, then he's quitting!

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: I am?

Marge Simpson: What am I going to do? I'm down two employees and it's the afternoon rush!

Chief Wiggum: I need a six-foot party sub. Lots of mayonnaise. And I mean lots. Never stop squirting mayo.

Homer Simpson: Don't worry, baby.

Marge Simpson: (GRATEFUL) Thank you, Homie.

Marge Simpson: Why, why does this have to be so hard?

Gil Gunderson: Oh, uh... sorry there, Marge.

Gil Gunderson: This is my changing room.

Marge Simpson: You are working two jobs!

Gil Gunderson: No, these are my real legs. (SAD) I'm --I'm not a well man, Marge.

Lisa Simpson: This is so sad. In his homeland, Dad was a nuclear engineer.

Marge Simpson: (SIGHS) I was short-staffed and your father volunteered. (SHEEPISH) Actually, I was wondering if you two might want to lend a hand.

Lisa Simpson: No, no. You want to make American kids work?

Bart Simpson: You're supposed to be driving me to a tennis class I said I wanted then I changed my mind and I hate it so much I'm faking stomach aches to get out of it.

Marge Simpson: (AGITATED) Would it kill one of you to wash a bell pepper?

Lisa Simpson: Um, I'm not sure this is the best use of my skills.

Marge Simpson: I said wash! And Bart, go work the deep fryer.

Bart Simpson: Well, if I'll be doin' this when I'm forty, might as well start now.

Bart Simpson: (EPIPHANY) I'm home!

Marge Simpson: Guys, this is gonna be hard for a while, but we'll get through this... as a family.

Gil Gunderson: Yes we will. The Simpsons and Old Uncle Gil.

Marge Simpson: Gil, I've been meaning to tell you, you're fired.

Gil Gunderson: (SAD NOISE) Guess I had it comin'. Can I take some baloney heels?

Marge Simpson: As many as you like...

Gil Gunderson: You sure?

Marge Simpson: Take 'em!

Gil Gunderson: Aw, yeah! A big ol' fat one!

Marge Simpson: Good baby.

"Just Stamp the Ticket" Man: (LOOKING BACK) Oh yeah. Real good baby. (EXITS)

Marge Simpson: Good everybody. You won't believe it but we actually turned a profit today.

Marge Simpson: (CHOKED UP) Kids, we're taking some shredded lettuce, pre-sliced cheese, and cold cuts and turning them into the American dream.

Bart Simpson: Uh, guys... what the hell is that?

Marge Simpson: (GASPS) They're opening another Mother Hubbard -- across the street?! How could they? How could they?!

Chief Wiggum: Move, move, move!

Lou: Uh, Chief, uh, who you fooling with this one sandwich a day diet?

Chief Wiggum: It's on whole wheat, Lou. Cleans up your insides.

Chief Wiggum: I'm gonna sit next to it.

Marge Simpson: How could they open another franchise so close to me?

Homer Simpson: Don't worry, Marge. They can't beat us. Because we're family-run.

Homer Simpson: (SHORT SCREAM) Hillbillies!

Cletus Spuckler: (TO SPECIFIC KIDS) Okay, in you go, Minimum Wade, Addem-up, Oxycontin, Fontanelle, and Pediculus. You make way for those that's nocturnal comin' off the night shift.

Bart Simpson: Mom, I need a few hours off. It's Milhouse's birthday party and I'm all the guests.

Marge Simpson: I understand, honey. Did you get someone to cover?

Bart Simpson: (NODS) Grampa.

Grampa Simpson: I'm workin' the drive-thru!

Marge Simpson: There is no drive thru!

Homer Simpson: (INHALE, THEN SIGH) Finally! A customer!

Waylon Smithers: Simpson! Why aren't you at work?

C. Montgomery Burns: Hold that famous temper, Smithers, (SMITTEN) Who is this?

C. Montgomery Burns: (ASIDE) Simpson, introduce me to this almond-eyed beauty, and all is forgiven.

Homer Simpson: (PLAYING ALONG) Uh, Mr. Burns, I'd like you to meet... (CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING BETTER) Mother Hubbard standee.

C. Montgomery Burns: From the Wisconsin Standees! Milk-fed, yet so slim. Permit me to play you a tune on my mouth organ.

Waylon Smithers: Sir, maybe we should go.

C. Montgomery Burns: (BREEZILY) Sorry you died! (TO SMITHERS, GRIM) Put the body with the others.

Homer Simpson: Whew!

Grampa Simpson: Homer, if I ever seem that senile, get a gun and... (PANICKY) What are you doing with that gun?!

Homer Simpson: Marge, have you ever seen pants do this?

Marge Simpson: (GASPS) You're working so hard you've lost weight! (DESPAIRING) We're killing ourselves trying to run a restaurant no one goes to... I've never said this to you before, but I'm saying it now. (DRAMATIC) I'm going to Moe's.

Marge Simpson: (SADLY) Now I know why Homie comes here so much. No matter how sad you are inside, what you see looks worse.

Moe Szyslak: Yeah. It was really hard for me to make this place look old but not in any way comfortable. Now maybe some TV'll cheer ya up.

Cletus Spuckler: (STIFF) If yous in the mood for a sammich, come on down to Mother Hubbard's Sandwich Cupboard Express, for all the sandwiches you love!

Cletus Spuckler: Bread sammich...

Brandine Del Roy: Yesterday's whatsit with ketchup...

Cletus Spuckler: And the thing what ate our chickens.

Brandine Del Roy: Looks like a fox, but it ain't.

Cletus Spuckler: (TO CAMERA) Be sure to follow us on Kinterest and Critter!

Marge Simpson: (A LITTLE TIPSY) Yesterday's Whatsit? Why does everyone go to them?

Lenny Leonard: It's express, Marge.

Carl Carlson: Yeah with our busy lifestyle, we gotta have express.

Moe Szyslak: Uh, listen there, Midge. I know how to get youse outta your contract. But I gotta warn ya...

Moe Szyslak: You will never work in the fast-food industry again.

Marge Simpson: (SERIOUS) Go on. Please.

Marge Simpson: So you see, Ms. Zengler, the Mother Hubbard's Express across the street is stealing all our business. It's not fair.

TRUDY ZENGLER: If you want fairness, work at a Sunglass Hut. This is the sandwich game.

Marge Simpson: I don't understand you.

TRUDY ZENGLER: I grew up in the pageant system.

Marge Simpson: Oh. Now I completely understand you.

Homer Simpson: (STILTED) I'm a litigious business man and I need a coffee to go.

Lisa Simpson: (CALLING À LA BRASSY WAITRESS) One jumbo Joe to go!

Marge Simpson: Get the first aid kit!

Lisa Simpson: (BRASSY WAITRESS) One Florence Nightingale in a box and make it snappy!

Bart Simpson: I got this.

Homer Simpson: (PAINED SHRIEK) Why do these things happen to innocent victims? I was just about to become a million dollar crotch model!

TRUDY ZENGLER: Hey, hey, hey. It's not Corporate's fault.

Marge Simpson: (TO TRUDY) Really? But the franchise agreement says Mother Hubbard Inc. would provide adequate training for all employees, which they didn't. (HOLDS UP AGREEMENT) Clause twenty-seven C-3.

TRUDY ZENGLER: (PAGING THROUGH AGREEMENT) You actually read this thing? It was written by two lawyers who had to keep waking the other one up.

Marge Simpson: If you'll just give me back my original investment, I'll take full responsibility for this man's injuries.

Homer Simpson: (FAKE VOICE) Please tell me I'm still beautiful!

TRUDY ZENGLER: All right, Marge, you've got a deal.

Homer Simpson: Well, family, we should be proud. We took on corporate America and broke even.

Marge Simpson: Hear hear!

Waylon Smithers: (EXHAUSTED) Sir... I... I think we've gone far enough... to dispose of the body.

C. Montgomery Burns: Dispose?! I've come here to pitch woo.

Caveman Homer: D'oh!

Homer Simpson: Mmm. Sandwich.