Marge Simpson: Hummingbirds! Hum and get it! (GIGGLES)

Marge Simpson: Homie, the faucet is dripping.

Homer Simpson: I'll get right on it.

Marge Simpson: Homer, when are you going to fix this faucet?

Homer Simpson: (CHEERFUL) I'm on it!

Marge Simpson: Are you going to fix the faucet or not?

Homer Simpson: For the third time this year, yes!

Marge Simpson: (MUTTERING) "I'll get to it, Marge..." "I'll get to it..." When we first got married, he'd only take six months to do things...

Bart Simpson: Mom, how come you didn't do my homework last night?

Bart Simpson: Oh no! Lisa's face... it's the same! (CHUCKLE)

Marge Simpson: Everyone relax. I think I've got an emergency sinkhole kit in here somewhere.

Bart Simpson: Oh, man -- I gotta climb stairs? Forget it.

Marge Simpson: No one stays in the sinkhole!

Bart Simpson: (BITTER MUTTERING) Lousy surface dwellers...

Chief Wiggum: So, what seems to be the problem?

Kent Brockman: (UPBEAT) Springfielders are getting that sinking feeling (CHUCKLES, THEN GRIM) as the dangerous sinkhole continues to expand.

Comic Book Guy: While this sinkhole is larger than the Sarlacc pit which swallowed Boba Fett, it is smaller than the Geonosis battle arena where Jango Fett was beheaded by Mace Windu.

Kent Brockman: Weren't those two places about the same size?

Comic Book Guy: (DEFENSIVE, SNAPPING) I didn't know this was an ambush!

Moe Szyslak: Eh, you know, in this town, you learn to adjust to things. Runaway monorails... NASCAR star Jeff Gordon...

Jeff Gordon: Hey, Moe.

Moe Szyslak: Hey. Bet we never see him again.

Barney Gumble: I'm gonna call it a day, Moe.

Moe Szyslak: Hey, hey, hey, hey! That plank's only for comin' in!

Moe Szyslak: (GENTLY) Try to land on the other traitors.

Chief Wiggum: People of Springfield, please be cool like Lou.

Lou: Yo.

Chief Wiggum: We will eliminate one eyesore with another, by bulldozing our tire fire right into the sinkhole.

Marge Simpson: But my car is down there!

Mayor Joe Quimby: For the first time my administration has solved a problem. The hole has been filled by the thing it fears most: stuff!

Milhouse Van Houten: ...so just when my dad finishes his online degree in Sinkhole Engineering, they go and fill it in!

Bart Simpson: Are the credits transferable?

Milhouse Van Houten: No.

Bart Simpson: That guy has a bone to pick with the Board of Regents. (NOTICING SOMETHING) Hey, Lisa's not getting on the bus.

Milhouse Van Houten: Where's she going?

Bart Simpson: I don't know. Dork farm? Who cares?

Milhouse Van Houten: She never doesn't do what she's supposed to! This is major!

Bart Simpson: (ROLLING EYES) Fine. We'll follow her.

Otto Mann: Well if they're not taking the bus, neither am I.

Ralph Wiggum: I'm going to a accident!

Milhouse Van Houten: Lisa's taking a cab? I'm worried. Does she even know how much to tip?

Milhouse Van Houten: What's it say?

Bart Simpson: (READING) "The five boxing wizards jump quickly?" (INTRIGUED) Whoa! My sister's finally become... mildly interesting!

Milhouse Van Houten: Sounds like a case for the "Detecti-pals." (EAGER) Taxi!

Milhouse Van Houten: (BUMMED) They never stop for blue-heads.

Stan: (SMOOTH) Hello ma'am. Are you and your husband here to look for a new car?

Marge Simpson: No, I'm here to buy one myself.

Stan: Uh-huh.

Stan: Well, I think the Tissan Sensibla is the car for you.

Stan: It's got all the features that a modern woman wants, including all manner of makeup mirrors.

Marge Simpson: This car looks a little small. Is the engine powerful?

Stan: (ACTS IMPRESSED) Wow, somebody knows her cars.

Stan: (SMOOTH) This baby comes with an RX-12 2-cylinder!

Marge Simpson: Well, that's odd, because the consumer website says the RX-12 2-cylinder has a dealer's invoice of fourteen seven.

Stan: (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna talk to my manager.

Marge Simpson: (RE: SMARTPHONE) This says you are the manager.

Stan: Those websites are taking food out of my children's mouths!

Marge Simpson: It says on your Facebook page you have no kids.

Stan: (SNAPPING) I have two Yorkies, and I'll be talking about you, to them, tonight!

Homer Simpson: I gotta hand it to you, Marge. You got the exact amount of car for our family. Room for two adults, three kids, and zero Grampas.

Marge Simpson: Uh-oh! Do you hear that rattle?

Bart Simpson: I don't hear anything.

Lisa Simpson: Me neither.

Marge Simpson: And what's that smell?

Lisa Simpson: I think it's "new car smell."

Marge Simpson: Well I don't like it.

Marge Simpson: I still smell it!

Marge Simpson: Darn car won't start.

Homer Simpson: Let Automobile Von Bismarck give it a try.

Homer Simpson: Well...

Marge Simpson: Hmm. Well, it wouldn't start for me. (LOUD WHISPER) I think this car's a lemon!

Marge Simpson: (IRATE) ...the wipers wipe backwards, and the defroster lines on the back window are too close together! Excuse me.

Mechanic: Sir, the car is fine. Can I be straight with you? As a mechanic, I'm not totally qualified to judge mental health...

Homer Simpson: So, you're not totally unqualified.

Mechanic: I think the problem is in your wife's head. There's a psychological reason why she hates this car.

Homer Simpson: (MOANS) A reason? What could it be?

Mechanic: I'm sorry, but there's no diagnostic computer for the female mind.

Homer Simpson: (IMPRESSED) Wow, an auto mechanic who tells the truth.

Mechanic: If you want me to examine your wife overnight I can arrange a loaner.

Mechanic: She's an '83 Yugo.

Woman: (YUGOSLAVIAN ACCENT) I don't do laundry or kiss boo-boos!

Homer Simpson: Umm... no thanks.

Homer Simpson: (TENTATIVE) Marge... do you think maybe there's another reason you don't like this car? Um... um... a "feelings" reason?

Marge Simpson: (SKEPTICAL/ANNOYED) What are you talking about?

Homer Simpson: Well, maybe you and the car got off on the wrong foot. When do you think things first went wrong?

Marge Simpson: (HUMORING HIM) All right, I remember we all got in... and by the way, that backseat is pretty tight for the kids. I mean, I don't know what we'd do if we had another baby. (GROWING REALIZATION) With this car, we're basically saying no more babies!

Homer Simpson: No, no, Marge. I want you to explore your feelings.

Marge Simpson: Homer, the reason I hate this car is... I think I want another baby!

Homer Simpson: An "on purpose" baby?

Marge Simpson: (REALIZING) I do!

Homer's Brain: (MOANS) I really wish I had fixed that faucet.

Marge Simpson: (SWEETLY) Homie, I want another baby.

Homer Simpson: What about... you know... "Stinky"?

Marge Simpson: Maggie's not a baby! Her soft spot's been skulled over for the last three months! (SWEETLY) Being a mom is who I am, and I'm not done being who I am.

Homer's Brain: Okay Homer, don't speak. If you must make a sound, whistle.

Homer's Brain: When your wife looks at you, full of hope, with an idea that would destroy life as we know it...

Homer's Brain: Just smile, nod... and stall, stall, stall...

Homer's Brain: ...until she changes her mind.

Homer Simpson: (PLAYING IT COOL) Whatever you want, sweetie.

Marge Simpson: Well, take a shower, 'cause we're gonna try it tonight!

Homer's Brain: (EXCITED) All right! "Try it" means sex.

Homer Simpson: Woo hoo!

Marge Simpson: Homer, why do you take a three second pause before you answer what I say?

Homer Simpson: (TWO SECOND PAUSE) Just appreciating (TWO SECOND PAUSE) how lucky (TWO SECOND PAUSE) I am to be (TWO SECOND PAUSE) with (TWO SECOND PAUSE) you.

Marge Simpson: What a wonderful thought.

Bart Simpson: Boxing wizards. Boxing wizards. What's she up to?

Evil Wizard: (HISSES) Let's settle this like adults. Wands down!

Bart Simpson: Maybe I should go on anti-psychotic meds.

Lisa Simpson: (ANNOYED) Bart! What are you doing in my room?!

Bart Simpson: Lowering your blinds. I'd hate for your carpet to fade.

Bart Simpson: (BLURTS) What are you doing Tuesdays and Thursdays after school?

Lisa Simpson: What do you do Tuesdays and Thursdays after school?

Bart Simpson: Write stupid stuff on the chalkboard. And if you have any ideas, I'm really running out. Today's was "mousetraps are not slippers" or something. Now what are you up to?

Lisa Simpson: A gentleman doesn't ask and a lady doesn't tell.

Bart Simpson: Can I use that on the chalkboard?

Lisa Simpson: I guess.

Bart Simpson: (INTO RECORDER) Gentleman doesn't ask, lady doesn't tell. Now all I need is one for Martin Luther King Day.

Marge Simpson: (SHYLY) My husband and I have been snuggling six ways from Sunday...

Homer Simpson: And let me tell you, a towel rack will not support your weight.

Marge Simpson: ...but we aren't making a baby. I thought we should check, to make sure Homer has... you know, working stunt-men in his cannon.

Dr. Julius Hibbert: You were wise to check, Marge.

Marge Simpson: What do you mean?

Dr. Julius Hibbert: (CHUCKLES, GRIM:) Take a look at this.

Homer Simpson: (GRAVELY) X's for eyes...

Marge Simpson: (SADLY) I guess... that's that, then.

Homer Simpson: Honey, I am so sorry. I guess we'll just have to learn to love the three children we have.

Bart Simpson: Lisa's going somewhere after school two days a week. And all we have are boxing wizards. If we're gonna find out what Lisa's up to, I'll need the help of all her old boyfriends.

Milhouse Van Houten: Guess we've all carried the same books, huh, guys?

Nelson Muntz: (SCOFFING) She carried mine.

Milhouse Van Houten: This just became a treehouse of horrors!

Milhouse Van Houten: (FALLING NOISE, THEN:) It's okay! I landed on a mattress!

Milhouse Van Houten: Whatever it is, she's in over her head.

Bart Simpson: Way over. We gotta save that poor girl. (LOOKS AROUND) Anyone know how we get home?

Nelson Muntz: We got bigger problems! (POINTING) It's Father Mike!

Marge Simpson: I can't believe we're never going to have another child... (SNIFFLES)

Lenny Leonard: Is everything okay over here?

Homer Simpson: Sorry guys. Private family moment.

Marge Simpson: (TIPSY) No, s'okay. We can share this with you... Homer can't make a baby because he nuked his swimmers.

Lenny Leonard: (SYMPATHETIC) Aw, that's a shame.

Carl Carlson: (NODS) Yeah. That's why I wrap my plums in tin foil every day.

Homer Simpson: (PHILOSOPHIC) Eh, nothing we can do.

Moe Szyslak: Hey, Homer... what if you got back one of those samples you sold years ago at the Shelbyville Sperm Bank?

Marge Simpson: (STUNNED) You never told me about that.

Homer Simpson: (ADMITTING) It's true... that's how I got the money to buy you your necklace.

Marge Simpson: Awww... (THEN) Eww... (REALIZING) Homie! We still have a chance!

Homer's Brain: Okay, Homer. This is the moment of truth. You've gotta tell Marge you really don't want another kid.

Homer Simpson: I, uh, hope it's twins!

Homer's Brain: Eh, how bad could it be?

Marge Simpson: Now I'm thinking Alex if it's a girl and Xander if it's a boy.

Homer's Brain: Uh-oh. She's picked names? Who puts this much thought into having a baby? Stall, stall, stall!

Homer Simpson: (GETTING IDEA NOISE) Hey, uh... hm... why don't we take the longer but nicer historic route? Then today will be nothing but beautiful memories.

Marge Simpson: (SHRUGS) Okay.

Homer Simpson: Watch it!

Marge Simpson: (SEEING SOMETHING) Ooh, a Christmas ornament museum! Can we stop?

Homer Simpson: (MOCK WARNING) Okay, but just for a minute. We want to hit the candle store, Fudgerama, the Zipper Hall of Fame, Snow Globe World, and The Taj Meatball.

Marge Simpson: I think that Shiva used to be Paul Bunyan.

Nelson Muntz: What's "Detention" doing here?

Seymour Skinner: I need to know what's up with Lisa. If her grades drop, we're not technically a school -- we're a tornado shelter with voting booths.

Seymour Skinner: Nothing exceptional here. (INTRIGUED) Except -- blue reinforcements.

Seymour Skinner: Only one person I've ever known uses these: my predecessor, Principal Meredith Milgram.

Seymour Skinner: Follow me, but be warned: there's no permission slip for what we're doing.

Meredith Milgram: A quick movement of the enemy will jeopardize six gunboats.

Milhouse Van Houten: That's about three more jeopardized gunboats than I'd expect.

Seymour Skinner: Thank God we brought the bus driver.

Meredith Milgram: (STRICT, BUT POLITE) Seymour, what are you doing here?

Seymour Skinner: Taking four children across town to investigate a piece of paper we found on the ground.

Meredith Milgram: Don't you have better things to do?

Seymour Skinner: Sadly, no.

Meredith Milgram: Same ol' Seymour.

Lisa Simpson: I know why they're here!

Lisa Simpson: Because they can't let me have a secret. It drives them crazy.

Lisa Simpson: Cursive writing. I'm learning cursive. (POINTS TO PAPER) All these sentences have every letter of the alphabet in them.

Otto Mann: Ooh, don't they teach them fancy squiggles at school?

Seymour Skinner: Uh, we do not. Outmoded, no room in the budget, and all the teachers forgot how to make a capital "Q."

Meredith Milgram: Two loops and a flourish. Luckily, a few brave students still want to learn.

Lisa Simpson: I hope you're happy. You all just wasted your time working your way into an afterschool class.

Seymour Skinner: What fun!

Marge Simpson: (SMALL DISAPPOINTED NOISE) I can't believe we spent the whole day here.

Homer Simpson: (SECRETLY PLEASED, CHUCKLES) And I got to try every flavor of candy cane: white and red.

Marge Simpson: (CHECKS WATCH) Well, maybe we should check into a motel.

Marge Simpson: (KISSING NOISES) Ooh, Homie, you've lost weight.

Homer Simpson: What's that, baby?

Homer Simpson: I'll take it from here, wing-man.

Marge Simpson: (SMITTEN) It sure was nice to have a day together as a couple.

Homer Simpson: (DROWSY) Yeah, no kids to ruin it.

Marge Simpson: (SUDDENLY STERN) I thought the whole point of this trip was to have another baby.

Homer Simpson: Marge, I was just being a good husband by pretending to agree with you while secretly undermining your agenda.

Marge Simpson: So, you don't want another baby? How long have you felt this way?

Homer Simpson: Uh, well, looking back, I guess it started sometime before Bart was born.

Homer Simpson: (SAD) Room for one, please.

Homer Simpson: Honey, I'm sorry. It's just that we have a hard enough time handling three kids.

Homer Simpson: Emotionally, financially, the boy... I just didn't know how to tell you.

Marge Simpson: Just yell across the house like you do everything else!

Homer Simpson: Okay, good, we're talking...

Marge Simpson: We're not talking!

Homer Simpson: Your phone just dialed me.

Marge Simpson: You were pocket-dialed!

Homer Simpson: Hey, the pocket wants what it wants.

Homer Simpson: (ATTEMPTING CONVERSATION) They just leave the maple syrup on the table, huh? How about that? That's trust, huh?

Marge Simpson: Shush!

Dad: (CHUCKLES) Now kids, help your brother Xander.

Homer's Brain: There he is. The fat, pathetic slob I'd be with four kids.

Dad: Where's daddy? Where'd daddy go?

Dad: Here he is!

Homer's Brain: (VERY RELIEVED NOISE) Oh, right. That dad was there all along. Phew. That was so sweet! Maybe there's no such thing as too many kids.

Marge's Thoughts: I know what Homer's thinking. He's thinking that he really wants a baby now. So this should be the time, ironically, that I'll change my mind and not want one. (BEAT) Well, no way! I want one more than ever! (DETERMINED NOISE)

Homer Simpson: (WORRIED) Uh-oh. I don't think I rewound the video the last time I was here.

Homer Simpson: Um, I'd like to get back a donation made fifteen years ago by a Simpson, Homer. Or it may be under the name Thad Supersperm.

Marge Simpson: Homer... Homer, this is the point where I really have to know what you want.

Homer Simpson: I'll tell you what I want, Marge. I want to make another Simpson. The table with four legs is sturdier than the table with three. Cubes are made of cheese, but pyramids are schemes. And anything that's half you is guaranteed fifty percent perfect.

Receptionist: Nice speech, but the last of your sample was just selected by another couple.

Homer Simpson: Are you sure there isn't more? I mean there's always a little ketchup left in the bottle.

Receptionist: I'm afraid not. But the couple is waiting in the room there. Maybe you can talk them into something else.

Homer Simpson: I'd like to buy back my sample.

Wife: Are you saying... our sample came from you?

Husband: (QUICKLY) Here, it's yours. We don't need it.

Homer Simpson: Well, I expected a little argument.

Husband: No, no, no, look in the mirror, that's your argument.

Homer Simpson: (FEELINGS HURT) Geez. I mean, I'm no Luis Guzman, but I'm all right.

Marge Simpson: Homer? How many samples did you sell?

Homer Simpson: Um... remember that Corvette I had?

Marge Simpson: I thought they only paid fifty dollars a trip.

Homer Simpson: (WALKING UP) Exactly. Well, we're all set. Let's make a Thad Supersperm Junior. With a name like that, he could be president.

Marge Simpson: Homie, maybe we should wait.

Marge Simpson: Maybe there's enough Homer in the world for now.

Homer Simpson: (GENUINELY DISAPPOINTED) But I was really looking forward to...

Homer Simpson: (REACTION NOISE, THEN:) You're right, Marge. I don't wanna bring more kids into a world full of my kids. (DISGUSTED NOISE)

Homer Simpson: Two adults, please.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Enjoy the film, you two!

Homer Simpson: (CHUCKLES) Another thing that would be harder with four kids.

Marge Simpson: You know, I always send the theater manager a check the next day.