Kent Brockman: And in retrospect, city officials regret holding the gang truce negotiations at Santa's Village. In other news, we're about to go live to Mr. Burns' announcement of his annual rate hike -- Springfielders are about to find out how much their electricity bills will go up.

Kent Brockman: I'm being told that Mr. Burns is approaching the lectern now... (LISTENS MORE) Apparently there are a few stairs he's struggling to climb... He's up the stairs but is now being buffeted by the breeze... And they've put some rocks in his pocket and... we're ready to go.

C. Montgomery Burns: To decide how much your electricity bills will rise, I've assembled a team of distinguished economists...and placed plausible rate hike percentages on their backs.

C. Montgomery Burns: Now we will use unfettered free market principles to arrive at a number. Release the hounds!

C. Montgomery Burns: Notice how the Keynesians climb trees while the Austrian school economists hide under rocks.

Waylon Smithers: That is fascinating.

C. Montgomery Burns: And there you have it, folks -- rates will rise a healthy seventeen percent. And now, to help you disperse...

Kirk Van Houten: Let me guess. You're gonna release the hounds again.

C. Montgomery Burns: Oh, don't be silly. (CALLING) Release the radioactive steam!

Krusty the Clown: I know it's a kids show, but I've gotta see you topless.

Kent Brockman: This isn't your dressing room!

Krusty the Clown: I know. But the monkey's got a girl in my dressing room.

Dr. Julius Hibbert: The decision to pull the plug is never easy, but with electricity so expensive now...

Hans Moleman: (WAKING UP) Do I get a vote?

MOLEMAN JR.: That's just air escaping his lungs.

Homer Simpson: We can keep the shrimp de-veiner though, right?

Marge Simpson: I'm afraid not.

Marge Simpson: And this goes too.

Homer Simpson: Good riddance. When I found out shrimp cocktails had no alcohol, I really lost interest.

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Children, we can no longer afford to use anything electric. However, we will still be able to watch today's film thanks to the magic of potato power. Ha!

Narrator: "Sometimes Y: The Story of a Vowel That Goes Both (RUNNING DOWN) Waaaays."

Gary Chalmers: Emergency meeting in the faculty lounge. B.Y.O.B.

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Well, class, I don't mind leaving you because one of you is my spy.

Milhouse Van Houten: You said you weren't gonna tell! Oh wait, you didn't. So no one knows who the Milhouse is. (SMILES SMUGLY)

Dewey Largo: The school is broke! I had to sell all the trombone mutes!

Dewey Largo: (AGGRAVATED NOISE) Why did I sell one to Nelson?

Dewey Largo: (SURPRISED NOISE) Sounds better than half the kids in the band.

Gary Chalmers: So does a leaf blower. Look, the district can't afford to keep every school open. So all the kids will take a standardized test, and whichever school scores the lowest will be closed forever.

Seymour Skinner: So you're saying if our kids don't pass this test, you're shutting down Springfield Elementary?

Coach Krupt: I don't teach to the test, I teach them to dodge balls. Things they can use in life!

Seymour Skinner: How is that useful?

Seymour Skinner: Ow!

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: We all came here to avoid scrutiny! Who else would hire a lunch lady accused of poisoning her husband?

Lunchlady Dora: Never convicted. They couldn't find the body. Anyone care for some Chicken Pete Pie?

Gary Chalmers: Did you say "Chicken Pete Pie?"

Lunchlady Dora: His friends called him Pete.

Homer Simpson: Goodbye, my electrical friends. I can't afford to use you, so I'm doing what any good American would do -- throw you away.

Homer Simpson: Parking meter?!

Homer Simpson: (GASP) And it still works!

Homer Simpson: This could come in handy. (STOPPING HIMSELF NOISE) But let me check that list of things Marge said never to bring home. (CHECKS LIST) Dogs, cats, octopuses, octopi, octopuseseses... (PUTS AWAY LIST)

Homer Simpson: Parking meter, you're workin' for me now.

Moe Szyslak: Mannequin heads, you're working for me now.

Homer Simpson: Lotta people at the dump today.

Seymour Skinner: The proctors are here!

Seymour Skinner: Their leader seems to be a woman.

Gary Chalmers: Catalogue poses.

Seymour Skinner: When will they finish grading those tests!

Gary Chalmers: I hate waiting. That's why I hate risotto.

Seymour Skinner: Even mushroom risotto?

Gary Chalmers: (SNAPPING) What do you think?!

Seymour Skinner: (NERVOUS) So, how did we do?

Jennifer: Not as bad as the worst school in the state.

Seymour Skinner: (RELIEVED) Oh, thank God!

Jennifer: You did worse than the worst school in the state, which now makes this school the worst school in the state.

Seymour Skinner: Why did you say that to us in the meanest way you could?

Jennifer: To show you that there's no way out. Except...

Seymour Skinner: (HOPEFUL) Except what?

Jennifer: No, I meant you should accept your terrible fate.

Jennifer: This place is worse than the elementary school in prison. This student filled in everything but the ovals!

Seymour Skinner: In art school he'd be a genius.

Jennifer: This isn't an art school.

Seymour Skinner: We tried to have ourselves accredited as one, but no one here could... (SAD) draw the pirate.

Seymour Skinner: Children, Groundskeeper Willie will direct you to your new school district. Any correlation to your talents, needs or friends is completely coincidental.

Groundskeeper Willie: (POINTS) Sherri, you're going to West Ogdenville, (POINTS TO OTHER BUS) Terri, North Haverbrook.

Terri Mackleberry: (UPSET) We've never been separated!

Sherri Mackleberry: I'm not sure we can even live apart!

Groundskeeper Willie: Stop your whingeing! It's not like you're losing a rake or a back-hoe. Nelson, you're off to Arkham Elementary School For The Criminally Insane.

Lisa Simpson: Well I'm glad you're not upset. All my extra credit points are like frequent flyer miles on a bankrupt airline.

Bart Simpson: Hey, don't blame me -- I didn't even take the test.

Lisa Simpson: You didn't?! Is there no limit to your disrespect?

Bart Simpson: (SHRUGS) I had something better to do.

Bart Simpson: (CHUCKLE) Driving you crazy instead of pulling off your legs. I've really matured.

Lisa Simpson: (REALIZING) Wait a minute... if you take the test now, your score could raise the average and save the school!

Lisa Simpson: (BURSTS IN) Proctor Clarkeson -- one student still hasn't taken the test!

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Let it be Martin, let it be Martin...

Lisa Simpson: (SHEEPISH) It's Bart.

Seymour Skinner: I have an aunt named Hope. Perhaps you'd like to kill her as well.

Gary Chalmers: Bart will take his exam first thing tomorrow morning.

Seymour Skinner: Bart, I'm begging you to try and study.

Bart Simpson: When I think begging, I don't imagine someone standing up.

Bart Simpson: Sorry, I can't grant a favor to someone I don't respect anymore.

Seymour Skinner: (CALLING AFTER, DESPERATE) You can spin in my chair!

Bart Simpson: (SPINNING) Wheee!

Gary Chalmers: Spin-ner! Slow down!

Ned Flanders: Well, sir, the Lord wouldn't have placed His meter there if He didn't want me to park.

Homer Simpson: (EXCITED) This is the easiest money I've ever made, lugging around a ninety pound parking meter!

Homer Simpson: (DISGUISING VOICE) It's not that kind!

Homer Simpson: All right, now to drag the meter to the next idiot.

Homer Simpson: Oh God, my back! (THEN, EVIL CHUCKLE) Suckers! (THEN, PAINED) My discs are grinding! (THEN, EVIL CHUCKLE) Easy money!

Bart Simpson: (CHUCKLE) Thanks for the freedom of speech, dorks.

Homer Simpson: We're cool, right boy?

Bart Simpson: Nothing a few George Washingtons won't solve.

Homer Simpson: Now to sleep the sleep of the just.

Martin Prince: (FINGERS CROSSED) Godspeed, old chum!

Nelson Muntz: Pass the test and your lunch money is yours.

Kid: (ABOUT ELEVEN) I'm a kid you've never seen. And I speak for all the kids you've never seen.

Kid: Do it, man, or you'll never see us again.

Bart Simpson: Principal Skinner, could you help me sharpen this pencil?

Seymour Skinner: Well, I guess a little circular grinding might relax me.

Bart Simpson: I can't do this. I'm not ready.

Seymour Skinner: You really didn't study?

Bart Simpson: Well, I slept on my books, so I might have gotten something through osmosis.

Seymour Skinner: So you know what osmosis is!

Bart Simpson: Uh... pajamas?

Seymour Skinner: Let me make this crystal clear to you, Simpson, if you don't pass this test, it will destroy the school.

Seymour Skinner: Our entire school riding on that coffee can head of yours. We've got to get you more time to study. But how?

Bart Simpson: Pull the fire alarm. I'd do it, but everyone's lookin' at me.

Seymour Skinner: What to do? What to do?

Angel Skinner: Don't do it, Seymour. You've never broken school rules. Ever.

Mrs. Skinner Devil: You wimp!

Seymour Skinner: Children, remain calm... find your disaster buddy... which is different from your lab partner, but may be the same as your lunchroom buddy.

Bart Simpson: Well, well, well.

Bart Simpson: Looks like Mr. Vanilla just grew some chocolate chips.

Seymour Skinner: Save your analogies for the analogy portion of the exam.

Seymour Skinner: (CONSPIRATORIAL) I bought you time, boy. Don't blow it.

Bart Simpson: I won't. I'm gonna ignore everything else on my schedule.

Seymour Skinner: Pass this test and the eggs are on me.

Bart Simpson: They will be, Seymour. They will be.

Homer Simpson: (CHUCKLES) I'm king of the bus station!

Kent Brockman: Meter Meter, Quarter Cheater? A rogue parking meter has been terrorizing the streets. Experts estimate the cost to taxpayers at north of fifty dollars.

Chief Wiggum: That's right, Kent. The entire force is on the lookout for anyone with an excessive amount of change.

Chief Wiggum: Our top criminologists have a theory as to what the suspect just might look like.

Chief Wiggum: But of course that question mark could be an exclamation point or an Interrobang. And the man... or woman... could be Hispanic...

Chief Wiggum: Or, most frightening, contain no punctuation at all.

Lisa Simpson: So, how's the studying going?

Bart Simpson: When I start, I'll tell ya.

Lisa Simpson: This is the most selfish thing you've ever done!

Lisa Simpson: You're letting your friends go hang because you are lazy, and selfish, and-- (NOTICING BART'S EYES) Hey, are you falling asleep just to spite me?!

Bart Simpson: Hey, why aren't you eating that?

DOLPH: There's four of us and eight slices. We don't know how to divide it!

Disco Stu: Something Stu forgot the music he loves!

Bart Simpson: Mrs. Krabappel? Are you a... teacher of the night?

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: (SCOFFS) I wish I was a hooker. No one in this town has any money. But the worst thing is what's happened to the school.

Bart Simpson: No, no!

Bart Simpson: (AGHAST) What have I done?

Lisa Simpson: Spinach farm, huh? That's right, you talk in your sleep.

Bart Simpson: (SINCERE) Lisa, I wanna pass that test, but I need your help.

Bart Simpson: I have all sorts of problems: lack of attention, I'm afraid of ovals, I only know twenty-four letters... don't you fall asleep on me!

Marge Simpson: Excuse me, you're that proctor that's shutting down my children's school.

Jennifer: I don't shut anything down. People cut their own heads and I just tip 'em into the basket.

Marge Simpson: You've been in public education a long time, haven't you?

Chief Wiggum: Freeze, Jack Nickel-scum!

Chief Wiggum: You know what they do to parking meter thieves in prison? They probably treat 'em pretty well. But when you get out, you're not eligible for jury duty. Which again, sounds pretty good.

Homer Simpson: (TOSSING QUARTER AT WIGGUM) Eat silver, copper!

Homer Simpson: Stay with me, man. Stay with me.

Homer Simpson: (DISTRAUGHT) No, no! You're the first successful business I've ever run!

Bart Simpson: It's hopeless. I can't make up for ten years of goofing off in one day. I need two days!

Lisa Simpson: Look, the thing is, it's more important to know how to take a test than knowing what's on it. So, do the ones you know first. If you don't know one, guess B and move on. Now, what is the capital of Massachusetts?

Bart Simpson: Uh... B?

Lisa Simpson: Very good.

Bart's Thoughts: Okay, this is it. Do or die.

Bart Simpson: (AGGRAVATED) Will you stop that?!

Marge Simpson: (READS AS SHE WRITES) "Burly Paper Towels, Burlyville, Minnesota. Dear Sir or Madam: Your paper towel packets promised a hundred and two sheets of towels. But I was blessed to receive one hundred and three. I'm returning the extra towel, unused..."

Marge Simpson: A pillowcase full of quarters?! Where did you get that money and what have you done with the pillows?!

Homer Simpson: The pillows are safe at my workstation. As for the quarters... well, I'm ashamed to tell you what I did.

Homer Simpson: How long have you been in there?

Marge Simpson: Well, we're gonna turn this change into change for the better!

Homer Simpson: Woo hoo!

Homer Simpson: ...and I wish that Mr. Teeny gets a banana (TOSSES QUARTER)... that the Isotopes emerge from this season with a great blooper reel (TOSSES QUARTER)... I wish that wishing wells worked so I wasn't just tossing my money away (TOSSES QUARTER)... and that Marge loves me forever no matter what stupid things I do (TOSSES QUARTER)...

Marge Simpson: (SMILING) And I hope Bart passes his test and saves the school.

Homer Simpson: Way to get us back on topic, Marge.

Thought Bubble Lisa: If you have to guess, guess "B."

Thought Bubble Lisa: Not every question!

Gary Chalmers: The second that boy fails, we're knocking down this school.

Seymour Skinner: Please, have a little faith.

Gary Chalmers: I hear you, Seymour. (TO WRECKING BALL OPERATOR) Start the upswing!

Bart Simpson: (READING, TOTALLY PUZZLED) The least common blood type is A--B, B--A, C--A.B., D--O. D'oh!

Jennifer: Ten more seconds.

Jennifer: (EFFICIENT GRADING NOISES, THEN:) And the last answer... "C"...is correct.

Jennifer: Congratulations. You made it by one.

Bart Simpson: (TO SELF) That'll do, bug. That'll do.

Gary Chalmers: He passed!

Seymour Skinner: Stop that ball!

Gary Chalmers: Now your Mom can see you work from her house.

Agnes Skinner: Seymour! Stop slouching!

Marge Simpson: I'm not sure if you gave my son any... (LOOKS AROUND) extra help. But if you did, thank you.

Jennifer: Perhaps this was a test of my humanity. A test I like to think I passed.

Marge Simpson: Would you... like to have coffee, or dinner, or just talk?

Jennifer: None of the above.

Jennifer: Testward ho!

Wrecking Ball Operator: Is this Wilson Elementary?

Seymour Skinner: No!

Wrecking Ball Operator: Sorry!