Bart Simpson: Good grief, this candy's terrible.

Bart Simpson: (INCREASINGLY DISAPPOINTED) Circus peanuts, raisins, nicotine gum, a library card... (LOOKS AT LISA'S HAUL) You got all good stuff!

Lisa Simpson: And yet I'm still not satisfied.

Bart Simpson: You thieving hussy!

Homer Simpson: You kids have got to learn that actions have consequences! Eat fire, punks!

Grampa Simpson: (SADLY) I'm still cold!

Marge Simpson: Will everyone please stop fighting and burning!

Homer Simpson: Never!

Homer Simpson: (TO HIMSELF) Beat the lumps. Beat the lumps. Beat the lumps.

Bart Simpson: Hey! / Ay carumba!

Marge Simpson: Homie, I disagree with your approach to the children.

Kang: Pathetic humans! They're showing a Halloween episode in November.

Kodos: Who's still thinking about Halloween? We've already got our Christmas decorations up!

Kodos: (GHOULISH) Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Mer-ry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Death: (DEEP SEPULCHRAL VOICE) I am Death!

Homer Simpson: Death? We don't want any.

Death: I have come for Bart Simpson.

Marge Simpson: Bart, run like the wind! (PRONOUNCED "WINED")

Lisa Simpson: Mom, it's "wind." (PRONOUNCED CORRECTLY)

Marge Simpson: Well, I've only read it in books.

Death: (PAINED) Why you little...

Bart Simpson: Please, don't take me! Take Milhouse. We all know there's no happy ending there.

Death: Your time is up, Bart Simpson.

Homer Simpson: This is for Snowball One and JFK!

Death: Ow.

Bart Simpson: Cool.

Lisa Simpson: (POKING DEATH WITH STICK) Dad, do you realize what you've done? You've created a world without Death.

Homer Simpson: Does this mean they'll never cancel the Jim Belushi Show?

Lisa Simpson: I guess so.

Homer Simpson: (KNEELING) Nooooo!

Lisa Simpson: A world without death...

Johnny Tightlips: Frankie the Squealer, why won't you die?

Frankie the Squealer: If I knew I'd tell ya, I swear!

Frankie the Squealer: I'd better call my wife... tell her I'll be late.

Moe Szyslak: (SIGH) If I knew this would take so long, I'd'a put on the TV.

Delivery Boy: Pizza!

Moe Szyslak: Y'money's on the counter. No tip.

Delivery Boy: You miserable bastard.

Moe Szyslak: That's why I'm up here.

Homer Simpson: Death, Death, we miss you so much. You were a busboy in the restaurant of life, clearing away the oldies and the sickies and the chokies. And you made NASCAR racing exciting.

Marge Simpson: Homer, it's trash day. Will you just take him out to the curb?

Homer Simpson: I'll curb him... without enthusiasm.

Homer Simpson: Ooo, this robe's pretty soft.

Homer Simpson: Check it out! I finally found a dead guy's clothes that fit me!

Homer Simpson: What? It's not... (SCREAM) My hand! What's happening?

Lisa Simpson: Dad, you've become the new Grim Reaper!

Homer Simpson: No way. Forget it. I might occasionally kill out of anger, or to illustrate a point, but I am not a Grim Reaper.

Homer Simpson: Ow! (PAINED) I'll reap! I'll reap already!

Homer Simpson: Jasper, your time has come!

Jasper Beardly: Where's the regular guy? Where's Doug?

Homer Simpson: Never mind. I'm Death now.

Jasper Beardly: (DISAPPOINTED MOAN) I liked Doug.

Lisa Simpson: "My dad's job." My dad's job takes him to all parts of the community. He performs a valuable service, but is often misunderstood, like a vulture or the flesh-eating maggot.

Miss Hoover: Would anyone like to see Mr. Simpson harvest a soul?

Kids: (CHEERS) / I would! / Me! Me!

Wino: (HOPEFULLY) You said something about a hot meal?

Bart Simpson: Oh man, these seats suck.

Homer Simpson: Leave everything to me.

Homer Simpson: Pardon me, comin' through, rest in peace, you're dead... Take an dirt nap. Feed the worms...

Homer Simpson: Hm.

Bart Simpson: Dad, were all those people on the list?

Homer Simpson: (SHRUGS) I'unno.

Homer Simpson: Okay, who am I giving the finger to today?

Homer Simpson: Not this! Anything but this!

Homer Simpson: Uh... what was that first one again?

Homer Simpson: Okay God, I bumped off the love of my life, according to your divine whim. Now release me from this ghastly vocation.

God: No!

Homer Simpson: (WHINY) Come on!

God: All right.

Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!

God: Hey, wait a minute! This isn't Marge! This is her fat sister, Selma.

Homer Simpson: It's Patty, chump!

God: Doggone it! I am too old and too rich for this.

Marge Simpson: Thanks for not killing me, Homie. Here's an extra pork chop.

Homer Simpson: (CHUCKLES) I'm gonna not kill you every week.

Homer Simpson: Y'ello?

Swedish Scientist: Sir, I'm honored to inform you that you've won the Nobel Prize.

Homer Simpson: (ECSTATIC) The Nobel Prize! ("IT'S ABOUT TIME") Finally. So, uh it's for what, my whole deal?

Swedish Scientist: This is Professor John Frink, isn't it?

Homer Simpson: If I say no, do I still win?

Lisa Simpson: I'll tell Professor Frink he's won. (SPEAKING SWEDISH) Tack för att ni förärat vår stad.

Swedish Scientist: Yumping Yiminy!

Professor Jonathan Frink: Great glayvin in a glass! The Nobel Prize. They must have awarded it to me for my invention of a hammer with a screwdriver on the other end. It's mildly convenient.

Lisa Simpson: (DISBELIEVING) Just for that?

Professor Jonathan Frink: It was a slow year, yes.

Professor Jonathan Frink: (SIGHS) I only wish my dear father were here to see me win.

Lisa Simpson: Is there a problem with your father?

Professor Jonathan Frink: Well, our relationship was never great. Mother used to say we got along like positrons and anti-neutrinos. Oh yes! I'm a geek.

Professor Jonathan Frink: I was always a disappointment to him. You see, he was one of those he-man scientists who worked on the atom bomb by day and slept with Marilyn Monroe by night and sold secrets to the Russians at lunch.

Professor Jonathan Frink: The last time I saw him alive, he was going to study sharks.

Professor Jonathan Frink: I don't want to go on this oceanographic expedition, Father. I get seasick taking a shower. Clean but nauseous.

Frink Senior: Clean but nauseous with the rolling and the heaving and the you make me sick! You've disgraced the name of John Nerdlebaum Frink.

Young Professor Frink: But father, I... (SOBS)

Professor Jonathan Frink: We never spoke again.

Lisa Simpson: Well where is he now? Maybe I can help you two patch up your differences.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Uh, you'll need to patch up more than that.

Lisa Simpson: (GASPS) Did a shark do that?

Professor Jonathan Frink: Yes, he was testing out a new blood-based suntan lotion.

Professor Jonathan Frink: You know, now that I have my hammer-screwdriver I could reanimate him.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Without the needless switching of tools. Well, that's always tedious and annoying.

Frink Senior: I'm alive! With the breathing and the tingling and the what's this radiator where my pupik should be?

Professor Jonathan Frink: Poppa, you're back! (HUGS HIM) Now, we had to replace several vital organs with machinery, but that doesn't make you any less of a man. Except you have no penis. In the uh, traditional sense.

Frink Senior: So, what am I, some kind of a tin can man from Planet Tomorrow?

Lisa Simpson: Sir, your son has brought you into the twenty-first century. It's a lot like the twentieth, except everybody's afraid and the stock market is much lower.

Frink Senior: Polly don't like that cracker. I'm getting me a real spleen, and then I'm gonna vent it on you, boychik.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Ay, shoving

Lisa Simpson: It almost sounded like he plans to tear organs out of living people!

Professor Jonathan Frink: ("WHAT CAN YOU DO?") Well, that's my dad -- you can't stop him.

Frink Senior: Hey, Seven Hundred Club. You look like a healthy specimen.

Ned Flanders: Well, I did finish first in the Walk For The Cure... of homosexuality.

Frink Senior: Say ah, baby.

Ned Flanders: Ahhhh...

Ned Flanders: I'm dying! (SHUTS EYES) And there's Heaven. But who's that? Confucius? And Milton Berle? Boy, have I been barkin' up the wrong tree.

Frink Senior: Nice posture.

Seymour Skinner: Oh, thank you. Mother always said a curvy spine is the devil's roller coaster.

Seymour Skinner: Hey, you can't have that-- (SCREAM)

Agnes Skinner: Lost your spine, huh? You just keep finding new ways to disappoint me.

Lisa Simpson: (STERNLY) There you are.

Lisa Simpson: Have you stopped to think about who you're hurting with this rampage?

Frink Senior: The people I've killed?

Lisa Simpson: No -- your son! On the biggest day of his life, when he accepts the Nobel Prize, you're not gonna be there.

Frink Senior: Oh, dear God. I've let my organ lust come between me and my son. (SOBS)

Lisa Simpson: But it's not too late. You can still fly to Stockholm.

Frink Senior: Well, it'd better be first class. Comic Book Guy's ass won't fit in coach.

Comic Book Guy: You may keep my posterior... just please return the "Jabba the Butt" tattoo.

Announcer: He explored the behavior of individual molecules in a chemical reaction. She's the sexy star of Alias. Please welcome Nobel laureate Dr. Dudley Herschbach and Emmy Nominee Jennifer Garner.

Jennifer Garner: You know, Dr. Herschbach, our jobs are actually not that different.

Dudley Herschbach: I disagree. (CHANGING SUBJECT) Winner of the Nobel Prize in physics: Professor John Frink.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Thank you. This is a tremendous honor, however I can't help being somewhat disheartened that my father has become a marauding ghoul...

Frink Senior: Not anymore, son.

Frink Senior: I'm here to accept the Nobel Prize -- for stupid. Can you forgive me?

Professor Jonathan Frink: Good glayvin, Dad. You've made receiving the Nobel Prize the happiest day of my life.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Oh, the hug is good.

Frink Senior: This is what the Nobel prize is all about. The science and the love and that physics we call quantum. (TO AUDIENCE) Ain't that right, people?

Frink Senior: What a great crowd. You all have such big hearts and such... (GROWING LUST) big brains. With large juicy dripping with knowledge heads... that's it, I'm going smorgasbord on these Poindexters.

Bart Simpson: And I thought Halle Berry went nuts during her acceptance speech.

Homer Simpson: I wish I was Death again. That was cool.

Frink Senior: Every brain unlocks more secrets of the universe. (STUFFS BRAIN IN HEAD) Muffins are surprisingly high in calories! (STUFFS BRAIN) The pyramids were actually built by Sears!

Lisa Simpson: He's right! It all checks out!

Marge Simpson: This is more violent than the Hip Hop Awards. You've got to stop your father!

Professor Jonathan Frink: Yes, but how?

Professor Jonathan Frink: He's sixty-three years old... pressure points here... and here... room temperature is twenty-two degrees Celsius... yes, this should just about do it.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Oh father... you're dying again. But I can bring you back to life, sir.

Frink Senior: (PAINED) Son, it doesn't take five brains in your head to know that's a bad idea.

Frink Senior: You saw I'd become a monster and you stopped me like a man. I'm proud of you. And now it's time for me to go to Hell. Ow, oo, oo ow, oy... oy oo ow, dead.

Jennifer Garner: This is the most exciting Nobel Prize ceremony ever.

Dudley Herschbach: I disagree.

Lisa Simpson: It must be tough to win the Nobel Prize and lose your father on the same day.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Oh, I didn't really lose my father. Thanks to my latest invention, the soul catcher. Let's bring it out and look at it.

Frink Senior: I may be a soul, but I'm hungry. Can you throw in a little matzoh? Maybe a nice piece of fish.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Why of course, father. Allow me to satisfy your Hebraic desires.

Frink Senior: That's a good shmendeleh.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Oh, I've waited so long to hear you say that. What does it mean? Is it dirty?

Marge Simpson: Ooh baby! Did I find something to throw out today! If you like space in the attic, are you gonna be happy!

Milhouse Van Houten: Cool! Comics from the seventies!

Bart Simpson: "Superman vs. Patty Hearst," "Evel Knievel Jumps The Jackson 5," "Batman and Rhoda"...

Bart Simpson: Check out these ads!

Bart Simpson: Let's see... x-ray gum...

Bart Simpson: (GASP) Cool... Milhouse, do you have your change purse?

Milhouse Van Houten: Always!

Mailman: Here you go, son.

Bart Simpson: "To stop time, click watch."

Bart Simpson: Wow, she looks like a background character in a Hanna Barbera cartoon!

Bart Simpson: To restart time, click watch again.

Lisa Simpson: What the...?!

Marge Simpson: Lisa, that's a filthy habit.

Bart Simpson: If we're both touching the watch, neither of us will be affected.

Bart Simpson: Do you realize what this means?

Milhouse Van Houten: (UNSURE) Yeah, but you say it first.

Bart Simpson: We can do anything we want!

Milhouse Van Houten: Let's get really far ahead on our homework! Wait 'til the other kids see we're already on the red unit of "Adventures In Reading."

Seymour Skinner: Due to budget cuts, music class will now have a two drink minimum. Cranapple juice only counts as one. And....

Seymour Skinner: (GASP) My slacks! have descended!

Homer Simpson: (CONSIDERING NOISE) Hmm...

Homer Simpson: I can't go on...

Nelson Muntz: Haw--

Nelson Muntz: (CONFUSED) Haw?!

Mayor Joe Quimby: People, Springfield is in crisis. Fingers have been shoved up noses, pants have been pulled down, and...

Mayor Joe Quimby: Mayors... have... been... repeatedly... humiliated. Dammit!

Mayor Joe Quimby: I thought our mysterious pranksters might be here tonight, so I covered the meeting hall with ultraviolet powder.

Mayor Joe Quimby: Behold the perpetrators!

Homer Simpson: (POINTING) It was those guys!

Sideshow Mel: Come! Let us kill them before learning of the magical secret which they possess.

Bart Simpson: (SIGHS) That was close.

Milhouse Van Houten: (ALARMED) Bart, look at the watch! (POINTS)

Bart Simpson: Milhouse! You broke the watch! Do you realize what this means?

Milhouse Van Houten: (UNSURE) Yeah, but you say it first.

Bart Simpson: (WORRIED) Oh, man. Things are stuck like this forever.

Milhouse Van Houten: Well, I couldn't be happier. I'm the second coolest kid on earth.

Bart Simpson: Actually, I guess we can do anything we want... and no one will stop us.

Milhouse Van Houten: I'm gonna play naked basketball!

Bart Simpson: (FIRMLY) No you're not.

Milhouse Van Houten: The family looks good.

Bart Simpson: Thanks. I just washed them.

Bart Simpson: That keeps happening.

Milhouse Van Houten: Can I punch Oscar de la Hoya for a while?

Bart Simpson: Just keep it above the belt.

Bart Simpson: You know, Milhouse? I thought I'd love eating only frosting and giving the Pope a wedgie...

Bart Simpson: But I miss being a regular kid in the real world, gettin' a hug from my Mom...

Milhouse Van Houten: Yeah, I thought I'd be happy with my parents back together, but it's kind of hollow.

Bart Simpson: All right. It says here we can learn watch repair in eight one-hour lessons.

Bart Simpson: (LOWER VOICE) Boy, that took forever.

Milhouse Van Houten: (LOWER VOICE) Yeah, well I work better in a structured environment.

Bart Simpson: Here goes nothin'...

Bart Simpson: Wait, when people see all the stuff we did, they're gonna want to kill us.

Milhouse Van Houten: Yeah, and I can't run too fast after fifteen years of eating nothing but Gummi Worms.

Milhouse Van Houten: I'm gonna quit tomorrow, I swear!

Bart Simpson: What we need is a scapegoat.

Bart Simpson: (À LA A DIRECTOR ABOUT TO SAY "ACTION") Okay, acting natural aaand...

Moe Szyslak: To repeat what I said a moment ago: "You are so dead."

Oscar De La Hoya: Dios Mio! This kid is fun to hit!

Marge Simpson: (TO HOMER) Why is Bart so tall? And shaggy?

Homer Simpson: Just one of life's mysteries, like why is my nose jammed full of army men?

Lisa Simpson: Oh come on, don't you get it? Bart stopped time with his magic stopwatch.

Bart Simpson: Jealous much?

Lisa Simpson: Why can't I tinker with the fabric of existence?

Homer Simpson: Let the baby have her bottle.

Lisa Simpson: What happens if I press this button?

Homer Simpson: (ANNOYED) Lisa!

Lisa Simpson: (QUICKLY) Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Homer Simpson: Okay, that's good! Stop there!