Marge Simpson: Ooo, careful, Homer.

Homer Simpson: There's no time to be careful.

Homer Simpson: We're late.

Marge Simpson: (HUSHED VOICE) Sorry, Excuse us. Pardon me...

Homer Simpson: (SIMULTANEOUSLY) Hey, Norman. How's it going? So you got dragged down here, too... heh, heh. How ya doing, Fred? Excuse me, Fred.

Homer Simpson: Pardon my galoshes. (CHUCKLES)

Seymour Skinner: (UNREHEARSED) Wasn't that wonderful? And now, "Santas of Many Lands," as presented by the entire second grade class.

Marge Simpson: Oh... Lisa's class.

JANEY: (SHY AND NERVOUS) Frohlich weihnachten -- that's German for Merry Christmas. In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht gives presents to good children and whipping rods to the parents of bad ones.

Todd Flanders: Meri Kurimasu. I am Hotseiosha, a Japanese priest who acts like Santa Claus. I have eyes in the back of my head so children better behave when I'm nearby.

Dewey Largo: And now, presenting Lisa Simpson, as Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas.

Homer Simpson: Oh, it's Lisa. That's ours.

Seymour Skinner: The fourth grade will now favor us with a melody, medley of holiday flavorites.

Children: (SING) DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW / IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH / O'ER THE FIELDS WE GO / LAUGHING ALL THE WAY... HA HA HA... BELLS ON BOB-TAIL RING / MAKING SPIRITS BRIGHT / WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE AND SING THIS SLEIGHING SONG TONIGHT!

Marge Simpson: (WHISPERS) Isn't Bart sweet, Homer? He sings like a little angel.

Bart Simpson: (SINGS) "JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS, ROBIN LAID AN EGG / THE BATMOBILE BROKE ITS WHEEL, THE JOKER GOT AWAY."

Seymour Skinner: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol".

Homer Simpson: (GROANS) How many grades does this school have?

Marge Simpson: (READS) "Dear friends of the Simpson family: We had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness. Our little cat, Snowball, was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. But we bought a new little cat, Snowball II...so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on, Grampa is still with us, feisty as ever. Maggie is walking by herself. Lisa got straight A's, and Bart, well... we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all..."

Homer Simpson: (MAD) Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet?

Marge Simpson: (CONTINUES) "...Homer sends his love. Happy Holidays."

Homer Simpson: Marge!

Marge Simpson: (CONTINUES) "The Simpsons."

Homer Simpson: (MAD) Marge, where's the extension cord?

Marge Simpson: Oh, for heavens sakes, Homer. It's in the utility drawer.

Homer Simpson: Sorry. I'm just a big kid and I love Christmas so much.

Homer Simpson: (GRUMBLING) ...Every year.

Marge Simpson: All right, children. Let me have those letters. I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole.

Bart Simpson: Oh, please. (TO LISA) There's only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain't Santa.

Marge Simpson: A pony? Oh, Lisa. You've asked for that for the last three years and I keep telling you Santa can't fit a pony into his sleigh. Can't you take a hint?

Lisa Simpson: But I really want a pony and I've been really, really good this year.

Marge Simpson: (MURMURS) Oh, dear. Maybe Bart is a little more realistic.

Marge Simpson: (SHOCKED) A tattoo!

Homer Simpson: A what!

Bart Simpson: Yeah, they're cool and they last the rest of the your life.

Marge Simpson: (FIRM) You will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas.

Homer Simpson: Yeah. If you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance.

Bart Simpson: All right!

Marge Simpson: Homer!

Homer Simpson: (into phone) Y'ello.

Patty Bouvier: Marge, please.

Homer Simpson: (into phone) Who's this?

Patty Bouvier: May I please speak to Marge?

Homer Simpson: (into phone) This is her sister, isn't it?

Patty Bouvier: Is Marge there?

Homer Simpson: (into phone, GROWING MAD) Who shall I say is calling?

Patty Bouvier: Marge, please.

Homer Simpson: It's your sister.

Marge Simpson: (INTO PHONE) Hello.

Patty Bouvier: Hello, Marge. It's Patty. Selma and I couldn't be more excited about seeing our baby sister for Christmas eve.

Marge Simpson: (INTO PHONE) Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit, too.

Patty Bouvier: Somehow I doubt that Homer's excited. Of all the men you could have married, I don't know why you picked the one who's always so rude to us.

Bart Simpson: Good one, Dad.

Homer Simpson: Okay, kids. Prepare to be dazzled. (CALLING) Marge! Turn on the juice!

Homer Simpson: What do you think, kids?

Lisa Simpson: Nice try, Dad.

Ned Flanders: (FROM NEXT DOOR) Just hold your horses, son. Hey, hey, Simpson.

Homer Simpson: What is it, Flanders?

Ned Flanders: Do you think this looks okay?

Mechanical Santa: Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

Lisa Simpson: (ADMIRING) Ooh.

Bart Simpson: Oh. Neat-o.

Homer Simpson: (TO BART AND LISA) It's too bright. (MUTTERING TO HIMSELF) That Flanders, what a big show-off.

Marge Simpson: Kids, you want to go Christmas shopping?

Lisa Simpson: I do!

Bart Simpson: All right, the mall!

Marge Simpson: Go get your money.

Homer Simpson: Spill it, Marge. Where have you been hiding the Christmas money?

Marge Simpson: Oh, I have my secrets. Turn around.

Marge Simpson: You can look now.

Homer Simpson: Oh! Big jar this year.

Marge Simpson: Oh, Bart, that's so sweet. It's the best present a mother could get and it makes you look so dangerous.

Bart Simpson: (to tattoo man) One "mother", please.

Tattoo Man: Wait a minute. How old are you?

Bart Simpson: Twenty-one, sir.

Tattoo Man: Get in the chair.

Homer Simpson: (CHECKING DIALS) Mm-hmm... Mmm-hmm... Mmm-hmm...

Homer Simpson: (OBLIVIOUS) Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Waylon Smithers: (THRU P.A.) Attention all personnel! Please keep working during the following announcement.

Waylon Smithers: (THRU P.A.) And now, our boss and friend, Mr. Burns.

C. Montgomery Burns: (THRU P.A.) Hello. I'm proud to announce that we have been able to increase safety...

C. Montgomery Burns: (THRU P.A.) ... here at the plant without increasing the cost to the consumer, or affecting management pay raises. However, for you semi-skilled workers, there will be no Christmas bonuses.

C. Montgomery Burns: (THRU P.A.) One more thing: Merry Christmas.

Homer Simpson: Oh, thank God for the big jar.

Marge Simpson: Where's that Bart?

Bart Simpson: But, Mom, I thought you'd like it.

DOCTOR ZITSOFSKY: Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove your son's tattoo. It's a simple routine involving lasers.

Bart Simpson: Cool!

DOCTOR ZITSOFSKY: However, it is rather expensive and we must insist on a cash payment up front.

Marge Simpson: Cash?

DOCTOR ZITSOFSKY: Ah-hmmm.

Marge Simpson: Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus.

Bart Simpson: (AWESTRUCK) Ay carumba!

DOCTOR ZITSOFSKY: Now, whatever you do, boy, don't squirm. You don't want to get this sucker near your eye or groin. (CHUCKLES)

Bart Simpson: Ow! Quit it.

Bart Simpson: Ow! Quit it!

Bart Simpson: Ow! Quit it!

Bart Simpson: Ow! Quit it!

Homer Simpson: Hey! What's with this?

Bart Simpson: Ow! Quit it. It used to be a real boss tattoo.

Lisa Simpson: But Mom had to spend all the Christmas money having it surgically removed.

Homer Simpson: (GASPS) It's true. The jar's empty. Oh, my God, we're ruined. Christmas is cancelled. No presents for anyone.

Marge Simpson: Don't worry, Homer. We'll just have to stretch your Christmas bonus even further this year.

Marge Simpson: Homer?

Homer Simpson: (NONCHALANT BEYOND BELIEF) Oh, yeah my Christmas bonus. (CHUCKLE) How silly of me. This'll be the best Christmas yet. The best any family ever had. Heh-heh.

Mechanical Santa: Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

Marge Simpson: I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me, Homer.

Homer Simpson: (GRUNTS) Oh. I love you, Marge.

Marge Simpson: Homer, you tell me that all the time.

Homer Simpson: Oh, good. Because I do love you and I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping.

Marge Simpson: But I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus. I keep asking for it, but...

Homer Simpson: Marge, well, let me be honest with you.

Marge Simpson: Yes...

Homer Simpson: Well... (BEAT) I want to do the Christmas shopping this year.

Marge Simpson: Well, sure, okay...

Homer Simpson: Marge, Marge, Marge. Let's see. Oooh, look! Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. (AS HE LOADS THEM IN BASKET) A six-pack... Oh! Only four ninety nine.

Homer Simpson: Oooh... pads of paper. I bet Bart can think of a million things to do with these. That just leaves little Maggie. Oh, look, a little squeak-toy. (HE HOLDS UP A RUBBER PORK CHOP AND SQUEEZES). It says it's for dogs, but she can't read...

Ned Flanders: Ow. (FRIENDLY) Oh, Simpson, it's you.

Homer Simpson: (BITTERLY) Hello, Flanders.

Ned Flanders: (LOOKING AROUND AT SCATTERED PRESENTS) Oh, my, what a little mess we've got here! Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine?

Homer Simpson: Well, let's see.

Ned Flanders: (QUICKLY) This one's mine. And this one's mine. This one's mine... and this--

Homer Simpson: (ANGRILY) They're all yours.

Todd Flanders: Hey, Mr. Simpson. You dropped your pork chop.

Homer Simpson: (GRABBING IT) Gimme that!

Ned Flanders: Well, happy holidays, Simpson.

Todd Flanders: Gee, Dad, this is gonna be the best Christmas ever.

Ned Flanders: You bet.

Moe Szyslak: What's the matter, Homer? Somebody leave a lumpa coal in your stocking? You've been sitting there sucking on a beer all day long.

Homer Simpson: So?

Moe Szyslak: So it's Christmas!

Homer Simpson: (DOWN) Thanks, Moe.

Barney Gumble: Drinks all around!

Homer Simpson: What's with the crazy getup, Barn?

Barney Gumble: I got me a part-time job working as a Santa down at the mall.

Homer Simpson: Wow. Can I do that?

Barney Gumble: I don't know. They're pretty selective. (BURPS)

Interviewer: Do you like children?

Homer Simpson: What do you mean? All the time? Even when they're nuts?

Homer Simpson: Oh, I certainly do.

Interviewer: Welcome aboard Simpson... pending your successful completion of our training program, that is.

Students: (IN UNISON) Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

Teacher: What is it now, Simpson?

Homer Simpson: Huh, when do we get paid?

Teacher: Not a dime till Christmas Eve. Now, from the top.

Students: (WEAKLY, DISAPPOINTED) Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

Homer Simpson: Dasher, Dancer...

Teacher: Um-hmm.

Homer Simpson: Prancer...

Teacher: Um-hmm.

Homer Simpson: Nixon, Comet, Cupid... Donna Dixon.

Teacher: Sit down, Simpson.

Homer Simpson: And what would you like, little boy?

Teacher: You're not really Santa, tubby.

Homer Simpson: Why you little eggheaded...!

Teacher: No, no, Homer. If such an emergency arises, just tell them Santa's very busy this time of year and you're one of his helpers.

Homer Simpson: (SMACKING HIS FOREHEAD) Oh, I knew that one, too.

Marge Simpson: Homer! Why are you seven hours late?

Homer Simpson: (EXHAUSTED) Not a word, Marge. I'm heading straight for the tub.

Marge Simpson: But Homer, my sisters are here. Don't you want to say hello?

Bart Simpson: Oh, Dad, you're finally home.

Lisa Simpson: Daddy! We're so glad to see you!

Homer Simpson: What? Why? Oh, yeah. (FORCED POLITENESS) Hello Patty, hello Selma. How was your trip?

Selma Bouvier: Fine.

Homer Simpson: You both look well.

Patty Bouvier: Thank you.

Homer Simpson: Yeah, well, Merry Christmas.

Selma Bouvier: (TO PATTY) Oh, it's Christmas? You wouldn't know it around here.

Homer Simpson: And why is that?

Patty Bouvier: Well, for one thing, there's no tree.

Homer Simpson: Well, I was just on my way out to get one.

Lisa Simpson: Can we go too, Dad?

Bart Simpson: Can we?

Homer Simpson: No!

Voice: Hey, you. What do you think you're doing?

Homer Simpson: Uh-oh.

Voice: Hey, hey! Come back here.

Homer Simpson: So, what do you think kids? Beauty, isn't it?

Bart Simpson: Yeah, Homer.

Lisa Simpson: Way to go, Dad.

Selma Bouvier: Why is there a birdhouse in it?

Homer Simpson: That's an ornament.

Patty Bouvier: Do I smell gunpowder?

Little Boy: And then I want some Robotoids... and then I want a Goop Monster... and then I want a great big, giant...

Homer Simpson: Ah, son, you don't need all that junk. I'm sure you've already got something much more important, a decent home and a loving father who would do anything for you. (W.C. FIELDS-ISH) Hey, I couldn't afford lunch. Gimme a bite of that donut.

Milhouse Van Houten: Get a load of that quote unquote Santa.

Lewis Clark: I can't believe those kids are fallin' for it.

Bart Simpson: Hey, Milhouse. I dare you to sit on his lap.

Milhouse Van Houten: Oh, yeah? Well, I dare you to yank his beard off.

Bart Simpson: Ah, touché!

Little Girl: I hope you feel better, Santa.

Homer Simpson: I will when Mrs. Claus's sisters get out of town. Thanks for listening, kid.

Bart Simpson: Hey Santa, what's shaking?

Homer Simpson: (DISGUISED VOICE) What's your name, Bart... ner? -- Er -- Little partner?

Bart Simpson: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

Homer Simpson: (THROUGH GRITTED TEETH) I'm Jolly Old Saint Nick.

Bart Simpson: Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that.

Bart Simpson: Homer!

Homer Simpson: I want a word with you in Santa's Workshop, little boy. (TO ELF) Cover for me, Elfie.

Bart Simpson: Don't kill me, Dad. I didn't know it was you.

Homer Simpson: Nobody knows. It's a secret. I didn't get my bonus this year, but to keep the family from missing out on Christmas, I'd do anything.

Bart Simpson: I'll say, Dad. You must really love us to sink so low.

Homer Simpson: (BREAKING DOWN) Now let's not get mushy, son. I still have a job to do.

Homer Simpson: Hey, little ones, Santa's back. Ho! Ho!

Homer Simpson: Arrgh! -- (MUTTERS) Damn it to...

Homer Simpson: Ah, son. One day you're gonna know the satisfaction of payday. Receiving a big fat check for a job well done.

Clerk: Simpson, Homer? Here you go.

Homer Simpson: Come on, son. Let's go cash this baby and get presents for -- (NOTICES; SHRIEKS) Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute!

Clerk: That's right. One hundred and twenty dollars gross, less social security --

Homer Simpson: Yeah.

Clerk: Less unemployment insurance --

Homer Simpson: But...

Clerk: Less Santa training --

Homer Simpson: Santa?

Clerk: Less costume purchase --

Homer Simpson: Wait a minute...

Clerk: Less beard rental, less Christmas club.

Homer Simpson: But... but...

Clerk: See you next year.

Bart Simpson: Come on, Dad. Let's go home.

Homer Simpson: Thirteen bucks. We can't get anything for thirteen bucks.

Barney Gumble: All right! Thirteen big ones. Springfield Downs, here I come.

Homer Simpson: What?

Barney Gumble: You heard me. I'm going to the dog track. I got a hot little puppy in the fourth race. Wanna come?

Homer Simpson: Sorry, Barney. I may be a total washout as a father, but I'm not gonna take my kid to some sleazy dog track on Christmas eve.

Barney Gumble: Come on, Simpson. The dog's name is Whirlwind, ten to one shot. Money in the bank.

Homer Simpson: Uh-uh.

Bart Simpson: Ah, come on Dad, this can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us.

Homer Simpson: (RESIGNED) Well, okay. Let's go.

Homer Simpson: Who's Tiny Tim?

Bubbles: (FROM TV) Hey, Moldy, do you think Santa will be able to find Elf County under all this snow?

Moldy: (FROM TV, SADLY) I doubt it, Bubbles. We'll be sad little elves this Christmas.

Lisa Simpson: Oh, no!

Grampa Simpson: Oh, brother!

Selma Bouvier: (TO MARGE) Where's your husband?

Patty Bouvier: Yeah.

Selma Bouvier: It's getting late.

Marge Simpson: He said he went caroling with Bart.

Barney Gumble: (SING) WE'RE IN THE MONEY / WE'RE IN THE MONEY / WE GOT A LOT OF WHAT IT TAKES TO GET ALONG.

Homer Simpson: (GRUMBLING) I can't believe I'm doing this.

Little Boy: Can we open our presents now, Dad?

Father: You know the tradition, son. Not till the eighth race.

Homer Simpson: Hey, Barney, which one is Whirlwind?

Barney Gumble: Number six. That's our lucky dog, right over there. He's won his last five races.

Homer Simpson: What! That scrawny little bag of bones?

Bart Simpson: Come on, Dad. They're all scrawny little bags of bones.

Homer Simpson: (RESIGNED) Yeah, you're right. (SIGHS) I guess Whirlwind is our only hope for a Merry Christmas.

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) Attention racing fans. We have a late scratch in the fourth race. Number eight, Sir Galahad, will be replaced by Santa's Little Helper. Once again, Sir Galahad has been replaced by Santa's Little Helper.

Homer Simpson: (GASPS) Bart, did you hear that? What a name -- "Santa's Little Helper". It's a sign! It's an omen!

Bart Simpson: It's a coincidence, Dad.

Homer Simpson: (TO TICKET SELLER) What are the odds on Santa's Little Helper?

Ticket Seller: Ninety nine to one.

Homer Simpson: (THRILLED) Whoa! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals MER-RY CHRISTMAS!

Bart Simpson: I got a bad feeling about this.

Homer Simpson: Don't you believe in me, son?

Bart Simpson: Uh...

Homer Simpson: Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith is all that keeps me going.

Bart Simpson: (RESIGNED) Oh, go for it, Dad.

Homer Simpson: That's my boy. (TO TICKET SELLER) Everything on Santa's Little Helper.

Elf #1: (THRU TV) Three cheers for Brainy.

Elves: (THRU TV, all together) Hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray!

Lisa Simpson: Yay!

Grampa Simpson: Unadulterated pap.

Patty Bouvier: It's almost nine o'clock.

Selma Bouvier: Where is Homer anyway?

Patty Bouvier: (SOFTLY TO SELMA) It's so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all.

Lisa Simpson: What, Aunt Patty?

Patty Bouvier: Oh, nothing dear. I'm just trashing your father.

Lisa Simpson: Well I wish you wouldn't because aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have. Therefore he is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me. And I am far to young to defend myself against such onslaughts.

Patty Bouvier: Um-hm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear.

Homer Simpson: (KISSING THE TICKET - SMACK SMACK) Come on, Bart. Kiss the ticket for good luck, not that we need it. Heh-heh-heh.

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) Here comes Screwy the Mechanical Rabbit. And they're off!

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) Around the first turn.

Bart Simpson: Come on, "Santa's Little Helper!"

Bart Simpson: (AD LIBS) Come on, dog! Go, man! Go! Come on Santa's Little Helper! Run baby run!

Homer Simpson: (AD LIBS) Come on Santa's Little Helper! Go, go, go! Run your tail off!

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) It's "Whirlwind" in the lead...

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) And coming up on the left is "Quadruped", followed by Dog O' War and "Fido".

Homer Simpson: Go! Go!

Bart Simpson: Go Santa's Little Helper!

Homer Simpson: Come on, boy.

Bart Simpson: Come on, get that rabbit.

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) ...Dog of war coming up fast on the outside... And with a lock on last place it's... "Santa's Little Helper."

Bart Simpson: Don't worry, Dad. Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens.

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) Around the clubhouse turn, Whirlwind is staking out a big lead, a couple of lengths. Quadruped fighting it out and coming up fast, Chew My Shoe.

Announcer: (THRU P.A.) And it's "Whirlwind" by a country mile, and in second, "Chew My Shoe" followed by "Dog O' War".

Bart Simpson: It doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me.

Homer Simpson: I don't want to leave till our dog finishes.

Homer Simpson: Ah, forget it. Let's go.

Homer Simpson: Find any winners, son?

Bart Simpson: Sorry, Dad.

Barney Gumble: Hey-hey, Simpson! What'd I tell you... Whirlwind. (BURPS; TO WOMAN) Let's go, Daria.

Voice: Beat it! Scram! Get lost! You came in last for the last time.

Bart Simpson: Look, Dad. It's Santa's Little Helper.

Dog's Owner: And don't come back!

Homer Simpson: Oh, no you don't. No. No. Get away from me. Uh-uh.

Bart Simpson: Oh, can we keep him Dad, please?

Homer Simpson: But he's a loser. He's pathetic. He's...

Homer Simpson: -- a Simpson.

Marge Simpson: (TO HER SISTERS) Maybe I should call the police.

Patty Bouvier: Oh, he'll sober up.

Selma Bouvier: Yeah, and come staggering home.

Patty Bouvier: Um-hm. Smelling of cheap perfume.

Marge Simpson: Homer!

Homer Simpson: All right, look everybody. I have a confession to make.

Selma Bouvier: This should be good.

Homer Simpson: I didn't get my Christmas bonus. I tried not to let it ruin Christmas for everybody, but no matter what I did, I just couldn't --

Bart Simpson: Hey, everybody. Look what we got!

Lisa Simpson: A dog! All right, Dad!

Marge Simpson: Good bless him.

Lisa Simpson: So love at first sight is possible.

Bart Simpson: And if he runs away, he'll be easy to catch.

Marge Simpson: This is the best gift of all, Homer.

Homer Simpson: It is?

Marge Simpson: Yes, something to share our love --

Marge Simpson: -- And frighten prowlers.

Lisa Simpson: What's his name?

Homer Simpson: Number eight. I mean, Santa's Little Helper.

Lisa Simpson: (SINGING) RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER / HAD A VERY SHINY NOSE / AND IF YOU EVER SAW IT / YOU WOULD EVEN SAY IT GLOWED

Bart Simpson: Like a light bulb!

Homer Simpson: Bart!

Lisa Simpson: (SINGING) ALL OF THE OTHER REINDEER / USED TO LAUGH AND CALL HIM NAMES...

Lisa Simpson: Like Shine-ola!

Homer Simpson: Lisa!

Lisa Simpson: (SINGING) THEY NEVER LET POOR RUDOLPH / JOIN IN ANY REINDEER GAMES...

Bart Simpson: Like strip poker!

Homer Simpson: I'm warning you two!

Lisa Simpson: (SINGING) THEN ONE FOGGY CHRISTMAS EVE / SANTA CAME TO SAY...

Marge Simpson: Take it, Homer!

Homer Simpson: (SINGING) RUDOLPH WITH YOUR NOSE... OVER HERE... / SO YOU CAN GUIDE MY SLEIGH TODAY....

Marge Simpson: Oh, Homer.

Lisa Simpson: (SINGING) THEN ALL THE REINDEER LOVED HIM / AS THEY SHOUTED OUT WITH GLEE / RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER / YOU'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY...

Bart Simpson: Like Attila the Hun!