Bart of Darkness | season 6 episode 1 | Simpsons World on FXX

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00:39

(Springfield: Ext. SPRINGFIELD - day)

00:39

Hans Moleman: Well, you're certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun.

00:44

Hans Moleman: Oh rats.

00:48

(Springfield Wax Museum: ext. Springfield wax museum - establishing shot)

00:48

(WAX MUSEUM: Int. wax museum - continuous)

00:48

Tour Guide: (SQUEAKY VOICE) And here we have the world famous Beatles exactly as they looked performing on the Ed Sullivan Show.

00:54

Seymour Skinner: I hardly think it's fair to be charged full price. I'm up to my knees in the original cast of M*A*S*H.

01:00

(SPRINGFIELD STREET CORNER: ext. Springfield street corner - continuous)

01:00

Musician: (SINGING) SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS MAKES ME HAPPY...

01:10

(Simpson Home: ext. simpson house - establishing)

01:10

(REFRIGERATOR: Int. refrigerator - close up - continuous)

01:10

Bart Simpson: Homer, my hat goes off to you.

01:14

Homer Simpson: It's cool in here, boy. For the rest of the summer, we can live inside the refrigerator.

01:20

Marge Simpson: Homer, the fridge wasn't meant to be used this way. (BEAT) Although I must say, it's certainly refreshing.

01:34

Homer Simpson: (PROUDLY) I got the idea when I noticed the refrigerator was cold.

01:37

Marge Simpson: Won't this overload the motor?

01:45

Homer Simpson: Marge, can you set the oven to cold?

02:00

(Simpson Home: Int. Simpson House - Living Room - later)

02:00

Man: (CALLING) Ice cream! Ice cream!

02:06

Man: I'm all out of ice cream! (TO BART AND LISA) It's true, you know. Ice cream! Ice Cream! Fresh out of ice cream!

02:18

Another Man: Chili! Red hot, Texas-style chili! And we got ginger ale! Boiling hot, Texas-style ginger ale! (BEAT) Texas!

Bart Simpson: (DISGUSTED NOISE)

02:30

Lisa Simpson: Ah, face it, Bart. Our salvation isn't just gonna roll by on the Back of some stupid truck.

02:40

Otto Mann: Whoa! I gotta replace that window.

02:43

Lisa Simpson: POOL MOBILE?!!

02:51

(Street: Ext. Street - pool - a short time later)

02:51

Bart Simpson: Look, Lis, I snatched five bathing suits. All Martin's!

02:54

Martin Prince: (DEFIANT) Take your best shot! I'm wearing seventeen layers.

Martin Prince: (CONFIDENT CHUCKLE, THEN, SURPRISED SOUND)

03:02

Martin Prince: I brought this on myself.

03:05

Otto Mann: (YELLS) Okay, little dudes, time's up! Everybody out!

03:12

Lisa Simpson: (SHOCKED) Time's up?!

03:13

Bart Simpson: So long, Lis. I'm gonna stow away underwater, and go where the pool goes. (EMBRACES HER) Have a good life.

03:25

Otto Mann: Sorry, Bart-dude. We gotta fill this thing with Epsom salts and jam it on over to the old folks' home.

03:30

Bart Simpson: Oh well. Same time tomorrow, Otto?

03:31

Otto Mann: (CHUCKLES) No way, man. One day a summer is all we're budgeted for. (MUSING) I guess it is kind of a tease.

03:42

(Simpson Home: Int. Simpson House - Living Room - LATER that day)

03:42

Lisa Simpson: Dad...

03:45

Lisa Simpson: Dad...

03:47

Lisa Simpson: Dad...

03:48

Homer Simpson: (CHEERFULLY) Yes, Lisa?

03:49

Lisa Simpson: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is the only way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of...

04:02

Lisa Simpson: CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? (BUILDING TO A WHINING FRENZY) CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? CanwehaveapoolDad? Canwe... etc.

04:08

Homer Simpson: (WITH DIGNITY) I understand. Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

04:19

(POOL EMPORIUM: Ext. Pool emporium - day - establishing)

04:19

(Pool Sharks!: Int. pool sharks! - a little later)

04:19

Salesman: Over here we have "The Hick Tub," "The uh Insta-Rust," that's "The Lightning Magnet," that's "The Tinkler..."

04:19

Homer Simpson: (PLEASED) Ooh, The Tinkler. I like the sound of that. We'll take it.

04:29

Marge Simpson: Is it true we should wait at least an hour after eating before we go in?

04:32

Salesman: Look, question lady, this job is not what I really do, okay? I play keyboards.

04:52

(Simpson Backyard: ext. simpson backyard - next day)

04:52

Homer Simpson: All right, everybody in the pool!

04:55

Amish Man: 'Tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no pool, English.

Homer Simpson: (AMISH-STYLE ANNOYED GRUNT)

05:01

Homer Simpson: (TENTATIVELY) Is it a pool yet?

05:02

Lisa Simpson: Yes, Dad.

05:03

Homer Simpson: Woo hoo!

05:05

Marge Simpson: Who could that be...?

05:08

(Simpson Living Room: Int. simpson living room - seconds later)

05:08

Jimbo Jones: (BASHFUL) Uh, hello, uh, Mrs. uh, Bart. (OFFHANDED)...Is your pool ready yet?

Marge Simpson: (MURMUR)

05:18

(KITCHEN: Int. kitchen - day)

05:18

Marge Simpson: Bart...? (POINTEDLY) Are all these children friends of yours?

05:22

Bart Simpson: (DEFENSIVE, MOUTH FULL) Friends and well-wishers, yes.

05:25

Mob Of Teenagers: (TO WRONG KID) HEY, BART. / HI, BART. / HEY, MY BUDDY, BART / (ETC.)

05:28

Last Teenager: (DORKY VOICE) Hello, Mrs. Cumberdale.

Marge Simpson: (ANNOYED MURMUR)

05:35

(Backyard: Ext. backyard - moments later)

05:35

Bart Simpson: People, people, it's time we all discussed the pool safety rules.

05:39

Kids: (CHANTING) Jump, Bart, jump! Jump, Bart, jump!

05:43

Bart Simpson: You got it.

05:44

Nelson Muntz: Hey, Bart! Your epidermis is showing!

05:48

Bart Simpson: (MORTIFIED) It is?!! (GASPS)

A Dozen Little Girls: (DERISIVE LAUGHTER)

Bart Simpson: (GROAN)

05:54

Nelson Muntz: (TO KEARNEY) See, "epidermis" means your hair...

05:59

Bart Simpson: (FALLING) YAAARRRGG!!

05:59

Nelson Muntz: ...so technically it's true. That's what makes it so funny. Pardon me a moment. (TURNS TO BART) Haw, haw.

06:07

Milhouse Van Houten: Hey, Nelson. He's really hurt. I think he broke his leg.

06:11

Nelson Muntz: (DEFENSIVE) I said, Haw, haw.

06:11

(Springfield General Hospital: Int. Springfield general hospital - corridor)

06:11

Nurse: (TO ORDERLY) Get this kid a magazine, (PUFFS) stat.

06:32

(DR. HIBBERT'S EXAMINING ROOM: Int. Dr. Hibbert's examining room - later)

06:32

Dr. Julius Hibbert: I'm sorry, that leg's gonna have to come off.

06:36

Dr. Julius Hibbert: (CHUCKLES) Did I say leg? I meant that wet bathing suit. I'm afraid you'll need a cast on that broken bone.

06:44

Bart Simpson: (GROAN) I'm gonna miss the whole summer.

06:47

Homer Simpson: Don't worry boy, when you get a job like me, you'll miss every summer.

06:53

(Backyard: Ext. backyard - next day)

06:53

Sherri Mackleberry: Isn't it amazing the same day you got a pool is the same day we realized we liked you?

06:57

Terri Mackleberry: The timing worked out great. Don't you think?

07:00

Bart Simpson: (EAGER) Hey, guys! Sign my cast? Sign my cast? Guys...?

07:09

Bart Simpson: Milhouse!

07:10

Milhouse Van Houten: (CAUGHT, EYES DARTING) Uh, hi, Bart.

07:12

Bart Simpson: Faithful Milhouse. You'll spend the long, hot days by my side, won't you?

07:17

Milhouse Van Houten: I think I lost my glasses in your pool. I better go in and find them.

07:22

Bart Simpson: But you're wearing your glasses.

07:24

Milhouse Van Houten: (STONE-WALLING) No, I'm not.

07:27

Lisa Simpson: (NOTICING BART, TO JANEY) Oh, look. Bart's all alone. Maybe I should keep him company, at least for a little while.

07:34

Kids: Hey, Lisa, watch this! Check it out! (ETC.)

07:42

Lisa Simpson: (LAUGH; CALLING) Coming!

07:46

Bart's Thoughts: Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Barty Boy.

07:50

Bart Simpson: (BITTER) Aw, great. I get to spend the summer with my brain.

07:53

(Bart's Bedroom: Int. Bart's room - later)

07:53

Bart Simpson: What fun can you have in a pool, anyway, that you can't have in a bathtub with a garbage bag taped around your cast?

08:42

Bart Simpson: Traitors. Go on and have your pool. I'm fine by myself, right here.

09:44

Bart Simpson: (LAUGHS) You know, this isn't so bad. I'll just spend the summer getting better acquainted with an old friend called Television.

Audience: (CHEER)

09:56

Krusty the Clown: (LAUGHS) Hope you enjoyed that, kids, 'cause Krusty's outta here for the summer. In the meantime, we'll be running (ROLLS EYES) (GROANS) "Classic Krusty." Enjoy.

10:11

Young Krusty: (SUBDUED KRUSTY LAUGH) Good evening. Tonight my guest is AFL-CIO chairman George Meany, who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements.

10:20

George: It's a pleasure to be here, Krusty.

10:21

Young Krusty: Let me be blunt. Is there a labor crisis in America today?

10:25

George: Well, that depends what you mean by "crisis".

Bart Simpson: (GROANS)

10:31

(Backyard: Ext. backyard - days later - sunrise)

10:31

Homer Simpson: (SERENE) Ah...There's nothing like rising with the sun for a quiet, peaceful dip in your very own pool.

Homer Simpson: (INCREDIBLY LOUD, OBNOXIOUS WHOOP)

10:43

Homer Simpson: (DISGUSTED) YAAARR--Ewwwwwww!!

10:46

Homer Simpson: Lisa! The Blob has got me! Don't touch me, or he'll get you too!

10:50

Lisa Simpson: Dad... You have to put chlorine in the water every day, to keep it clean.

10:54

Homer Simpson: Chlorine, eh?

10:59

Ralph Wiggum: (RUBBING EYES) My face is on fire!...

11:03

Marge Simpson: (MURMUR; LOOKING UP, THEN TO LISA) Oh, look. There's Bart. Wave to him.

11:09

Marge Simpson: Hmm, maybe we should spend more time with Bart. He's becoming isolated and weird.

11:15

(Bart's Bedroom: Int. Bart's bedroom - later)

11:15

Bart Simpson: (SOLDIER VOICE) I swear I don't know where the bombs are! Only the Miners know that! (EVIL VOICE) Maybe this will loosen your tongue! (SOLDIER VOICE, GASPING) No! Blah!!

11:25

Lisa Simpson: Uh, Bart...?

11:27

Bart Simpson: (FURIOUS) Don't turn on that light!!

11:28

Lisa Simpson: Sorry. I just came to see how you were feeling.

11:30

Bart Simpson: (DEFENSIVE) I'm fine. Just fine.

11:32

Lisa Simpson: (PICKING UP SOME PAPERS) What are you writing here? A play?

11:33

Bart Simpson: (LYING) Uh, no.

11:35

Lisa Simpson: Yuh huh. (READING) "Cast of Characters: Viceroy Fizzlebottom, a hearty cherub of a man..."

11:36

Bart Simpson: (FURIOUSLY) Gimme that! (GRABS IT AWAY) It's a work in progress. (CHANGING THE SUBJECT) So. How do you like being Miss Popularity?

11:47

Lisa Simpson: (RESERVED) Oh, well, y'know, it ain't so great. (OFF HIS LOOK, CONFESSING WILDLY) Bart, it's the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life! (CATCHING HERSELF) Well, anyway, I brought you a present.

11:57

Lisa Simpson: Look, it's the telescope I won at the Optics Festival.

12:00

Bart Simpson: (ACIDLY) There was an Optics Festival and I wasn't informed? (GRUFF) You go now.

12:03

Lisa Simpson: But...

12:05

Bart Simpson: Go!

12:08

Bart Simpson: What have we here... (READING) "The Lighter Side of Hippies". (NERDY CHUCKLE) They don't care whose toes they step on. (MORE CHUCKLES).

12:25

(Backyard: Ext. backyard - night)

12:25

Marge Simpson: This was a lovely idea, Homie. (COY) Come here and kiss me.

12:30

Homer Simpson: (ROMANTIC) Mmmm....

12:35

Chief Wiggum: (THROUGH MEGAPHONE) Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked. Aw, come on. Continue. Come on, aw. All right, Lou, open fire.

12:53

(Bart's Bedroom: Int. Bart's bedroom - night - a little later)

12:53

Bart Simpson: (IN AWE) Wow. The universe is so boring.

12:57

Bart Simpson: I know, I'll use this to peer into Springfield's seamy underbelly.

Bart Simpson: (BORED GROAN)

Bart Simpson: (BORED GROAN)

13:15

STEWART CHARACTER: Grace come here. There's a sinister-looking kid I want you to see.

Bart Simpson: (BORED GROAN)

13:22

Bart Simpson: I'm never ever gonna see anything interesting with this stupid piece of junk.

13:33

Bart Simpson: That came from Flanders' house.

Bart Simpson: (DISAPPOINTED GROAN)

13:44

Ned Flanders: Ohmygod! What have I done? I've killed her!

13:50

Bart Simpson: Can't be what it looks like. This is Flanders we're talkin' about.

13:54

Bart Simpson: Ah, I'll just watch some TV.

13:56

Krusty the Clown: Now, what you've all been waiting for. Another long "raga" by Ravi Shankar.

14:00

RAVI: Shankar.

14:02

Krusty the Clown: Shankar. Groovy, man.

Bart Simpson: (GROANS)

14:08

Bart Simpson: Uh, uh, noo. This can't be what it looks like. There's gotta be some other explanation.

14:20

Ned Flanders: (SIGH) I wish there was some other explanation for this. But there isn't. I'm a murderer! I'm a murderer!

14:27

Bart Simpson: Then that's not the real Ned Flanders.

14:30

Ned Flanders: I'm a murdiddly-erdiler.

14:33

Bart Simpson: If that's not Flanders, he's done his homework!

14:41

(Simpson Home: Ext. simpson house - next morning - establishing)

14:41

Todd Flanders: Daddy, where's Mommy? We miss her.

14:43

Ned Flanders: Mommy had to go away. She's with God, now.

14:46

Todd Flanders: Yay! Can we go there too?

14:49

Ned Flanders: Soon enough.

14:50

Todd Flanders: Yay!

14:53

Bart Simpson: (GASP) He's gonna kill Rod and Todd, too... That's horrible. (BEAT) In principle.

15:00

Nelson Muntz: Look, Lisa. I found this change on the bottom of the pool. You can have it.

15:05

Lisa Simpson: Thanks, Nelson.

15:08

Ralph Wiggum: Somebody took my juice money.

15:11

English Boy: Lisa, please join my family for a weekend in the country. There'll be hunting, charades (sha-rods), and ever so many delightful romantic misunderstandings.

Kids: (YELL TO LISA)

15:22

Lisa's Thoughts: They're only using you for your pool, you know.

15:25

Lisa Simpson: (TO BRAIN) Shut up, brain! I got friends now. I don't need you anymore. (DUMB LISA VOICE TO ENGLISH BOY) Duh, yeah, I'd love to go to your house. (STUPID CHORTLE)

15:36

(MARTIN PRINCE'S BACKYARD: Ext. martin prince's backyard - that moment)

15:36

Martin Prince: Ah, my plan has come to fruition. Soon I'll be queen of summertime. (QUICKLY CORRECTING) Oh, king, king!

15:49

(Simpson Backyard: Ext. simpson backyard - day - a little later)

15:49

Jimbo Jones: Dude, buzz has it an even wussier kid has an even better pool than this.

16:01

Lisa Simpson: Hello? Hey, I'm stuck in here. I gotta think of a way to get out.

16:09

Lisa's Thoughts: (SMUGLY) Well, well, well. Look who's come crawlin' back.

16:12

(Simpson Home: Int. Simpson House - bart's room - a little later)

16:12

Bart Simpson: Listen, Ned Flanders murdered his wife.

16:16

Homer Simpson: But why? She's such a fox. (OFF MARGE'S LOOK) I mean, what's on Fox tonight? Something ribald, no doubt.

16:22

Marge Simpson: I wish you'd stop spreading bad rumors about people. Remember how you got Grampa tarred and feathered?

16:28

Bart Simpson: Sure. That was twenty minutes ago.

16:30

Grampa Simpson: Gonna be in the tub for awhile.

16:32

(Bart's Bedroom: Int. Bart's bedroom - a little later)

16:32

Lisa Simpson: Bart, I'm really sorry I've been ignoring you lately. I got carried away with being popular. But now that I'm unpopular again, I want you to know I'm here for you.

16:42

Bart Simpson: You can start makin' it up to me right now. Flanders is leaving the house. I want you to sneak in there and bring me back some evidence... and something sweet for later.

16:50

Lisa Simpson: Bart, I'm here for you but, I'm not gonna break into somebody's house.

16:53

Bart Simpson: (COY) All right. You're right, you're right. Let's-let's just forget about that. Let me read to you from my play. (READING) "Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swivens day already?" "'Tis," replied Aunt Helga.

17:01

Lisa Simpson: I'm goin', I'm goin!

17:22

Bart Simpson: (GASP) A human head!

17:25

Bart Simpson: (SIGH) Of course. Oh no. He's back. Flanders is back! Lisa, get outta there!

17:33

Bart Simpson: No, Lisa, don't go upstairs. You'll be trapped!

17:40

Bart Simpson: An axe! He's got an axe. I'll save you, Lisa!

17:45

Bart Simpson: Uh... I'll save you by calling the police.

17:49

Police Dept. Machine: (À LA MOVIE PHONE) Hello and welcome to the Springfield Police Department Resc-U-Fone. If you know the name of the felony being committed, press one. To choose from a list of felonies, press two. If you are being murdered or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.

Bart Simpson: (FRUSTRATED NOISE)

18:07

Police Dept. Machine: You have selected "regicide." If you know the name of the King or Queen being murdered, press one...

18:22

Bart Simpson: (SCREAMS) I'll save you, cast or no cast!

18:27

Bart Simpson: (GRUNTS) Gotta save Lisa, trash can or no trash can!

18:46

(Simpson Home: ext. simpson house)

Bart Simpson: (ANNOYED GRUNT)

18:46

(JIMMY STEWART CHARACTER HOUSE: int. jimmy stewart character house)

18:46

Jimmy Stewart Character: (TERRIFIED) Oh no! That sinister- looking kid is coming to kill me. Help! Help!

18:52

(Flanders Home: int. flanders house - upstairs hallway)

18:52

Ned Flanders: (SINGING QUIETLY) MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB / LITTLE LAMB / LITTLE LAMB...

19:08

Lisa Simpson: (GASPS) Oh!

19:38

(ATTIC: int. attic)

Lisa Simpson: (TERRIFIED WHIMPER)

19:38

(Flanders Home: int. flanders house - doorway foyer)

19:38

(ATTIC: int. attic)

19:38

Ned Flanders: (SIGHS) It's time to put you away.

19:43

Ned Flanders: Put you away for good.

19:47

Bart Simpson: (SCREAMS) Nooooo!

19:51

Ned Flanders: (STARTLED NOISE) What the gumdrops is going on, here?

19:54

Bart Simpson: I came to stop you from murdering Lisa like you murdered your wife.

19:58

Ned Flanders: (SHOCKED) Murdered? (GIRLISH SWOON)

20:03

(FLANDERS' FRONT YARD: ext. flanders' front yard)

20:03

Maude Flanders: Murdered? Oh no, I've just been in the country for a week.

20:06

Bart Simpson: (TO NED) But I distinctly heard you say that Maude was with God.

20:09

Maude Flanders: Oh, that's right. I was at Bible camp. I was learning how to be more judgmental.

20:14

Bart Simpson: (TO NED) But I saw the murder, and then I saw you bury the corpse in the backyard.

20:18

Ned Flanders: (BREAKING DOWN) All right. It's true. I am a murderer. I over-watered Maude's favorite ficus plant, I panicked, and then I buried the remains. (OFF MAUDE'S LOOK, MEEKLY) I was hoping to replace it before you got home.

20:30

Bart Simpson: (DISBELIEVING) But I heard a woman scream.

20:32

Ned Flanders: Huh? Well, now that I can't explain.

20:36

Lou: We found it, chief.

Ned Flanders: (WOMAN'S BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM)

20:39

Bart Simpson: Oh, well I guess that explains everything.

20:41

Homer Simpson: (SLYLY) Not everything. There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife.

20:47

Maude Flanders: (WAVING HER HAND) Um, I'm right here.

20:48

Homer Simpson: (DRIPPING SARCASM) Oh, I see. Then everything is wrapped up in a neat little package. (OFF THEIR ANNOYED LOOKS) Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic.

21:00

(MARTIN PRINCE'S BACKYARD: Ext. martin prince's backyard - a little later)

21:00

Martin Prince: More friends! More allies! More, I say! Hang those who talk of less! There's a few inches over here, ho!

21:16

Martin Prince: (WEEPING) My precious pool, and its lifestyle accoutrements! Nooo!!

21:29

Nelson Muntz: Haw, haw!

21:31

Martin Prince: (RESIGNED) Ah, the gentle caress of a summer breeze.

21:46

Martin Prince: (SINGING) THE SUMMER WIND / CAME BLOWING IN / FROM ACROSS THE SEA...

SEASON 6 EPISODE 1

Bart of Darkness

This episode is available in 4:3 & 16:9

|

Audio commentary available

Bart believes he witnessed Ned Flanders murder his wife. Lisa's popularity soars after her family buys a swimming pool during a heat wave. ...

CAST & CREW
Dan Castellaneta
Nancy Cartwright
Julie Kavner
Yeardley Smith
Harry Shearer

Producers
David Mirkin

DIRECTORS
Jim Reardon

WRITERS
Dan McGrath

Read More +

CLIPS FROM THIS EPISODE

(5 Clips)

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Clip From S6/E1

Backyard Pool
Clip From S6/E1

Backyard Pool

The Simpsons build a pool in their backyard.
Clip From S6/E1

Broken Leg
Clip From S6/E1

Broken Leg

Bart falls off a tree and breaks his leg.
Clip From S6/E1

Pool Deal
Clip From S6/E1

Pool Deal

Lisa and Bart convince Homer to buy them a swimming pool.
Clip From S6/E1

Telescope Viewing
Clip From S6/E1

Telescope Viewing

Bart looks into other people's homes using a telescope.
Clip From S6/E1

Lisa Investigates
Clip From S6/E1

Lisa Investigates

Lisa searches through Ned's home while Bart watches through his telescope.

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