Homer Simpson: Ahh, the morning horoscope. (READING) "Today will be a day like every other day." (SAD MOAN) It just gets worse and worse.

Marge Simpson: Bart, I've asked you not to whistle that annoying tune.

Bart Simpson: (CHEERFULLY) Jawohl, mein mommandant.

Lisa Simpson: (SUSPICIOUSLY) Why are you so happy?

Homer Simpson: Yeah, you kids gotta go to school. I gotta go to work. The only one who has it easy is Marge.

Bart Simpson: We're having a field trip today. (PUTTING ARM AROUND LISA) Ah, Lis, won't it be great to cast off the shackles of the soul-crushing hellhole that is Springfield Elementary? (SLAPS FOREHEAD; TEASING) Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot. Your class isn't going.

Lisa Simpson: (SARCASTIC) You're right, Bart. School is for losers.

Lisa Simpson: (READING) And that's how I cured all disease, ended war, and reunited the entire cast of TV's "Facts Of Life", including long time hold-out, Tootie.

Bart Simpson: (GROANS) Sounds like another Pulitzer for me to polish.

Lisa Simpson: Hush, field trip boy.

Lisa Simpson: Impaled on my Nobel Peace Prize. How ironic.

Bart Simpson: Yo! Lis! Lis! Come back, Lis! Come back!

Lisa Simpson: (DREAMY) Why? I'm so much happier here.

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: And now Principal Skinner will tell us where we'll be going on this year's field trip.

Seymour Skinner: Thank you, Edna, everyone. (CLEARS THROAT) Now class... I wonder who among you can tell me what this is?

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Not the box factory again, Seymour.

Martin Prince: This may well prove fascinating.

Bart Simpson: (TO HIMSELF) I know, I'll just do like Lisa and escape into fantasy.

Seymour Skinner: Class, instead of going to the box factory, today we'll be going to the... box factory.

Bart Simpson: Damn TV, you've ruined my imagination just like you've ruined my ability to... to um, uh... oh well.

Martin Prince: (SINGING TOGETHER) FIFTY-SIX BOXES OF BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL / FIFTY-SIX BOXES OF BOTTLES OF BEER / YOU TAKE ONE DOWN AND PASS IT A-ROUND/ FIFTY-FIVE BOXES OF BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!

Seymour Skinner: (EXCITED) Ohhh!

Box Executive: The story of how two brothers - (BEAT) and five other men - parlayed a small business loan into a thriving paper goods concern is a long and interesting one. (BEAT) And here it is. (BEAT) It all began with the filing of form 637 slash A, the application for a small business or farm...

Box Executive: Many interesting and important things have been put into boxes over the years. Textiles... other boxes... even children's candy.

Milhouse Van Houten: Do any of these boxes have candy in 'em?

Box Executive: No.

Milhouse Van Houten: Will they ever?

Box Executive: No. We only make boxes to ship nails. Any other questions?

Martin Prince: When will we be able to see a finished box, sir?

Box Executive: (CHUCKLING) Oh, we don't assemble 'em here. That's done in Flint, Michigan.

Bart Simpson: Have any of your workers ever had their hands cut off by the machinery?

Box Executive: No...

Bart Simpson: ...And then the hand started crawling around and tried to strangle everybody?

Box Executive: No, that has never happened.

Bart Simpson: Any popped eyeballs?

Box Executive: I'm not sure what kind of factory you're thinking of. We just make boxes here.

Box Executive: This room is the most popular part of our tour.

Milhouse Van Houten: It's just like the other rooms.

Box Executive: Yes, but with one important difference. (LOOKS AROUND) Oh. We took that out. Yes, it is just like the other rooms.

Milhouse Van Houten: What's that building over there?

Box Executive: That's just the TV studio where they film Krusty the Clown and other non-box-related programs. Since it has nothing to do with boxes, I'll just shut these blinds. (HE DOES)

Box Executive: Now here's my office. If you will direct your eyes to the floor, you'll see a yellow line. Follow it. It will lead you around my desk ...and back out the door.

Bart Simpson: (TO HIMSELF) I gotta get outta here.

Bart Simpson: Aha! The perfect escape!

Security Guard: (PATRONIZING) Do you work here, little boy?

Bart Simpson: Yeah.

Security Guard: Well then go right in, sir.

All: (ADLIB) Bart! / Where are you!

Seymour Skinner: I'll handle this. (LOUD) Simpson! I'm giving you 'til the count of three to come out. One... two... three. (BEAT: TO KRABAPPEL) I've done all I can do.

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: (SIGH) We'd better call his parents.

Marge Simpson: Just a minute! Don't hang up!

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: No answer at home. I'll call his father.

Homer Simpson: Just a minute! Don't hang up! (PICKS UP THE PHONE) Y'ello... you'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

Director: Action!

Bumblebee Man: Ayy yi yi! No me gusta! (DROPPING CHARACTER) (SOPHISTICATED BRITISH ACCENT) I'm sorry, I'm really not comfortable with this, Ethan.

Director: What's the matter, love?

Bumblebee Man: It's just, it's it's the same old tired gags, isn't it? I mean, let's give the audience some credit.

Director: How 'bout a giant mouse trap?

Bumblebee Man: I love it!

Director: Action!

Bumblebee Man: Ayy yi yi! No me gusta! Ay, it's grande.

Homer Simpson: What do you mean you lost him?! He might have fallen into one of these machines!

Homer Simpson: Oh my God! That's his lucky red hat!

Homer Simpson: (SOBBING) He's a box! My boy's a box! Damn you! A boooxxx!

Krusty the Clown: I said I wanted a Danish.

Intern: (SQUEAKY VOICED TEENAGER) I'm sorry, all the Danishes are gone.

Krusty the Clown: They're not gone, you're gone!

Kent Brockman: (READING HIS COPY) Hmm, mm, mm, tragic news tonight, one hundred and twenty dead in a tidal wave in Kuala Lala...peer... Kuala La Lum... par... (CROSSES IT OUT) France.

Bart Simpson: Yoink!

Kent Brockman: Yoink?

Krusty the Clown: (TO HIMSELF) Aw heck... now where am I going to get a Danish?

Bart Simpson: Here's a Danish, Krusty.

Krusty the Clown: (EAGERLY) Gimme, gimme, gimme!

Krusty the Clown: (MOUTH FULL) Now that's Danish. Where'd you get it?

Bart Simpson: I stole it from Kent Brockman.

Krusty the Clown: Great. (STOPS CHEWING) He didn't touch it, did he?

Bart Simpson: No.

Krusty the Clown: (RESUMES CHEWING) Good job, kid. What's your name?

Bart Simpson: I'm Bart Simpson. I saved you from jail.

Bart Simpson: I reunited you with your estranged father.

Bart Simpson: I saved your career, man! Remember your comeback special?

Krusty the Clown: Yeah, well what have you done for me lately?

Bart Simpson: I got you that Danish.

Krusty the Clown: (WARMLY) And I'll never forget it.

Krusty the Clown: Hey, kid!

Bart Simpson: Wow! A big clown hankie!

Krusty the Clown: It's a towel, you yutz. I want you to wash it. You're my new assistant.

Bart Simpson: Cool!

Kent Brockman: Yeah, I know I'm on, but I don't care. I don't read the news until I get my Danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.

Bumblebee Man: (BRITISH ACCENT) A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed one hundred and twenty people. (GIANT COMEDY REACTION) Ai chihuahua! Whoa whoa whoa!

Homer Simpson: Marge, I have some horrible, bone chilling news.

Marge Simpson: (GASP) What is it?

Bart Simpson: Hi, Homer.

Homer Simpson: (EMBARRASSED) Oh, nothing.

Bart Simpson: Hey, that's my lucky red hat sitting on top of a double-corrugated, eight-fold, fourteen-gauge box.

Marge Simpson: Oh, it sounds like you really learned something on your field trip. Think you'd be interested in a career as a box maker?

Bart Simpson: (DEADPAN) Well that'll always be the dream, but for now I got a job in the show business. From now on I'll be helping Krusty the clown after school.

Marge Simpson: (DOUBTFULLY) I don't know, Bart. You're only ten.

Lisa Simpson: I've got a weekend job helping the poor. And I'm only eight.

Homer Simpson: (SNORTS) That's not a job. It's a waste of time. What can poor people pay ya? Nothin'! What satisfaction do you get from helping 'em? None! Who wants to help poor people anyway? Nobody!

Bart Simpson: So, anyway, can I, Mom? Can I take the job?

Marge Simpson: Well...

Homer Simpson: Why not? I remember my first after-school job. I was in a band.

Homer Simpson: (SING-TALKING) Hello, everybody. I'm Archie Bell and I'm also the Drells. (INDICATING BODY) We got a new song called, 'Tighten Up' and this is the music you tighten up with.

Organ Grinder: Hey, what's a-matter with you, you crazy kid? You a-chasin' away my a-business.

Homer Simpson: Buzz off, Giuseppe.

Organ Grinder: Hey, Pepe, go for the face!

Homer Simpson: (TO BART) Yes, son, you can have an electric guitar, just like your old man.

Bart Simpson: Dad, I'm asking if I can get a job.

Homer Simpson: (CORRECTING HIM) Gig, son. When you're a musician, a job is called a gig.

Bart Simpson: Wow, being in show business is like a dream. We're really lucky, aren't we?

Stagehand: I wish I was dead.

Krusty the Clown: Don't listen to him, kid. This is a dream factory. The birthplace of magic and enchantment. Now, I need you to go and clean out my toilet.

Krusty the Clown: Right in here, boy. Eww. I don't know WHAT I was thinking last night. This'll take you a couple hours.

Bart Simpson: I'm telling ya, I do work on the Krusty show. Look at the credits.

Krusty the Clown: Bye, bye kids! (KRUSTY LAUGH)

Kids In Audience: Yayyyyyy!

Kent Brockman: I'm Kent Brockman, on the eleven o'clock news tonight...a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal, we won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with funny Sonny Storm.

Bart Simpson: There's my name. Right there. Bart Simpson.

Milhouse Van Houten: Looks more like "Brad Storch".

Martin Prince: No, it says "Betty". "Betty Symington".

Nelson Muntz: That's for taking credit for other people's work.

Homer Simpson: It's okay, son. Who cares what a bunch of fourth graders think? You're doing what you want to do with your life. Nothing else matters.

Bart Simpson: (IMPRESSED) Thanks Dad, that's great advice.

Homer Simpson: Yep, well, that's what got me where I am today.

Homer Simpson: (COMFORTING, PATTING) There, there.

Little Girl: Would you sign my picture, Krusty?

Krusty the Clown: Sure kid. Get in line.

Little Girl: (YELLING)(TO KRUSTY) I love you, Krusty!

Krusty the Clown: Over there.

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Okay, kids, open your books to page sixty...

Bart Simpson: (GROGGY) Yes, Krusty?

Krusty the Clown: Bart, I need to get your fingerprints on a candlestick. Meet me in the conservatory. Chop chop. Don't worry, everything's gonna be all right.

Bart Simpson: (BITTER, MOAN) I wish I was dead.

Sideshow Mel: Bah! There's cheese in this sandwich! Surely you know I'm lactose intolerant.

Bart Simpson: (SHRUGS) Sorry.

Sideshow Mel: (GETTING ILL) Sorry! Do you know how sick this is going to make me? (GULPS) Oooh boy. Come stand next to the bathroom door. I want to yell at you some more.

Bart Simpson: Show business sucks. I'm outta here.

Krusty the Clown: Bart! I need to use you in a sketch.

Bart Simpson: You want me to be on the show?

Krusty the Clown: It's just one line. Mel was supposed to say it, but he's dead.

Bart Simpson: Dead?

Krusty the Clown: Or sick. I dunno, I forget. Anyway, all you gotta do is say "I am waiting for a bus." Then I hit you with pies for five minutes. Got that?

Bart Simpson: (TRYING IT) I am waiting for a bus.

Krusty the Clown: Makes me laugh. Let's go.

Bart Simpson: (LOUD) I am waiting for a...

Bart Simpson: (BEAT) I didn't do it.

Krusty the Clown: (GROAN) Oh, man. It's a miracle we got through that one. Remind me never to let you on stage again, kid. Some people got it, some people don't. And you, my young friend, do not have... hold on, I want to finish this thought outside...

Crowd Member: It's that kid!

2nd Crowd Member: It's the "I didn't do it" guy!

Krusty the Clown: He's mine. I own him and all the subsidiary rights.

Krusty the Clown: Why this rickety ladder, in front of this door is the perfect place for this priceless Ming vase.

Krusty the Clown: (RUBS HIS HANDS, ADLIBBING) ...Eh? ...Eh?

Bart Simpson: I didn't do it.

Krusty the Clown: Thank you. Thank you. And now, the "I didn't do it" Dancers.

Snake Jailbird: Don't move, dude. This is totally a gun.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: I didn't do it!

Mayor Joe Quimby: Honey!

Mrs. Quimby: (GASPS) Joe, how could you?

Mayor Joe Quimby: I uh, didn't do it.

Man: Help! Help!

Fireman: This is the third time that this building has burned down because someone has been smoking in bed.

Selma Bouvier: I didn't do it.

Lisa Simpson: This biography of Bart came out awfully quickly. (FLIPPING THROUGH IT) It's not even about him.

Bart Simpson: Sure it is. Look at the cover.

Lisa Simpson: But inside it's mostly about Ross Perot. And the last two chapters are excerpts from the Oliver North trial.

Homer Simpson: Ah. Oliver North. He was just poured into that uniform.

Bart Simpson: (RAP CADENCE) I DIDN'T DO IT / I DIDN'T DO IT.

"Hammer": Hey, proper.

Grampa Simpson: I have to pay to see my own grandson. That's the Democrats for ya.

Krusty the Clown: See the boy, five dollars, or call him twenty-four hours-a-day on Bart Chat.

Barney Gumble: Bart Chat?

Little Girl: Are you Bart?

Barney Gumble: Sure I am. "I didn't do nothing."

Little Girl: Uh, isn't it, "I didn't do it?"

Barney Gumble: Yeah, whatever. (BELCHES)

Bart Simpson: (UNCOMFORTABLE) Uh... I never thought I'd say this, but shouldn't we be learning something?

Milhouse Van Houten: Say the line, Bart!

Bart Simpson: (SHRUGGING) I didn't do it?

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Yayyyyy!

Homer Simpson: Come on, Lisa. Say something funny.

Lisa Simpson: Like what?

Homer Simpson: Oh, something stupid like Bart would say. Bucka bucka or woozle wozzle. Something like that.

Lisa Simpson: Forget it, Dad. If I ever become famous, I want it to be for something worthwhile, not because of some obnoxious fad.

Bart Simpson: (HURT) Obnoxious fad?

Homer Simpson: (COMFORTING) Aw, don't worry, son, they said the same thing about Urkel... that little snot. Boy I'd like to smack that kid.

Homer Simpson: (MAKES A FACE) What the hell are you readin' books for?

Bart Simpson: I'm doing the Conan O'Brien show and I wanna have some intelligent stuff to talk about.

Homer Simpson: (CHEWING) Don't forget to say "I didn't do it".

Bart Simpson: Dad, there's more to me than just a catchphrase.

Homer Simpson: How do you figure boy?

Bart Simpson: Watch the Conan O'Brien show. You'll see.

Homer Simpson: All right, but after Leno I'm all laughed out you know.

Bart Simpson: You know, Conan, I have a lot to say. I'm not just a one line wonder. Did you know that a section of rainforest the size of Kansas is burned every single...

CONAN: Just do the line.

Bart Simpson: (DEPRESSED) I didn't do it.

CONAN: (LAUGHS) Great material. (THEN) We'll be right back.

CONAN: Sit perfectly still. Only I may dance.

Bart Simpson: (MIMICKING) Do the line. Just do the line. (SIGHS) What's gonna happen to me?

Announcer: And now it's time for Matchgame twenty thirty-four!

Announcer: With - Billy Crystal, Farrah Fawcett-Majors-O'Neal-Varney, The "I didn't do it boy", Ventriloquist Loni Anderson... Spike Lee, and the always lovely and vivacious head of Kitty Carlisle.

Kitty: (ENTHUSIASTIC) Hi everybody! Let's start the game!

Bart Simpson: (RECOILING) Yargghh!

Marge Simpson: Bart, it's time to get ready for the show.

Bart Simpson: No!

Krusty the Clown: Where is that little punk? We go on in ten minutes. Oh, the tension!

Krusty the Clown: (YELLING) Somebody walk on my back!

Krusty the Clown: (YELLS IN PAIN) One at a time! No Teamsters!

Marge Simpson: Honey, I know you feel a little silly saying the same four words over and over, but you shouldn't. You're making people happy. And that's a very hard thing to do.

Bart Simpson: You're right, mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive... my job, my job. Repetitiveness is my job. I am gonna go out there tonight and give the best performance of my life.

Marge Simpson: The best performance of your life?

Bart Simpson: The best performance of my life.

Krusty the Clown: Where is that lousy little pisher?... (SEES BART: SUDDENLY SWEET) Bart.

Krusty the Clown: And now... boys and girls... here he is... the boy that says the words you've been longing to hear like the salivating dogs that you are... Bart Simpson!

Bart Simpson: I didn't do it!

Bart Simpson: I didn't do it.

Bart Simpson: Woozle wozzle.

Audience Member: "Woozle wozzle?" That's what passes for entertainment these days? "Woozle wozzle?"

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the clown show has been put on hiatus for retooling.

Bart Simpson: What happened?

Krusty the Clown: Oh, don't worry about that. You're just finished, that's all.

Bart Simpson: Finished?

Krusty the Clown: (CASUALLY) It happens all the time. That's show business for ya. One day you're the most important guy who ever lived...

Krusty the Clown: The next day you're some schmo working in a box factory. (POINTS TO THE BOX FACTORY)

Box Executive: I heard that!

Bart Simpson: Boy, show business is kinda cruel, isn't it?

Bill: And that was "Kung Fu Fighting." Say, speaking of one trick ponies, whatever happened to that "I Didn't Do It" kid?

Marty: Boy, did that get old fast. Whoa... ya know, if you want to last in this business, you gotta stay fresh.

Marge Simpson: I saved these for you, Bart. You'll always have them to remind you of the time when you were the whole world's special little guy.

Bart Simpson: Thanks, Mom.

Lisa Simpson: And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.

Bart Simpson: Aye carumba!

Ned Flanders: Hidilly ho!

Nelson Muntz: Haw haw!

C. Montgomery Burns: Excellent.

Lisa Simpson: If anyone wants me I'll be in my room.

Homer Simpson: What kind of catchphrase is that?