Narrator: Neptune. Eighth planet from the sun. A mystery now, we hope to have close-up photos from Voyager Two in (PORTENTOUS) Nineteen eighty-nine.

Lisa Simpson: We do have them! They're my home screen! Miss Hoover! Once again, the lesson plan I prepared would've covered this topic much better, but I can see...

Lisa Simpson: Miss Hoover?

Miss Hoover: It's Tuesday, Lisa. Taco Tuesday.

Kids: (OVERLAPPING) Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday!

Carl Carlson: (WHISPERING) Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday!

Groundskeeper Willie: (TERRIFIED) Oh no! I'm about to become another moppin' statistic!

Groundskeeper Willie: There's only room for one of us, Ethel.

Lisa Simpson: Bart, that's your sixth taco. You know, Whitman says, "If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred".

Bart Simpson: (MOUTHFUL OF TACOS) Fascinating.

Lunchlady Dora: (TO VEGETABLES) Congratulations, boys, you made it through another Taco Tuesday. Back in the bucket till next week.

Lisa Simpson: Won't those vegetables go bad?

Lunchlady Dora: Nope. They're genetically modified to stay fresh. Just don't ask how old the Jell-O is.

Lisa Simpson: Ew.

Lisa Simpson: Overreactor dot org warns that over half of the vegetables sold in this country are "Genetically Modified Organisms," whose effect on humans is... (DRAMATIC) unknown!

Lisa Simpson: Whoa! Mom, you made me over-swipe!

Animated Krusty: Your parent's credit card has been charged twenty dollars! (LAUGHS)

Marge Simpson: (RUSHED, BREATHLESS) I have to get to the church. Helen Lovejoy is posting the spring volunteer signup sheet. In five minutes, every good task will be taken! Dang it!

Marge Simpson: Jasper Beardley! You'll never make it!

Jasper Beardly: What the hell is this thing?

Marge Simpson: Bake sale -- taken... candle snuffing -- taken... (RISING ALARM) baby shusher, miscellaneous choir support -- everything's taken! All that's left is...

Ned Flanders: (WALKING UP) Teen abstinence counseling! You get to pass out abstinence pledges and make sure the kids sign their John Han-bleeps.

Marge Simpson: But Ned, saying nay is your thing.

Ned Flanders: Not this month! (CHUCKLE) Edna signed us up for a tango class. It was the only way I could avert (GRIMLY) wine tasting.

Marge Simpson: Look, I'm really not comfortable talking about S-E-X with K-I-D-S.

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: (PASSING BY) Language!

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: Oh, it's not that hard. Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

Todd Flanders: We took the pledge!

Rod Flanders: We won't have sex until we're married.

Todd Flanders: To each other.

Ned Flanders: (PROUDLY) Their skipping lessons are really payin' off!

Marge Simpson: Hello. Hello. (NERVOUS LAUGH) I'm-I'm Marge Simpson. And I'm here to talk about a-a-a wonderful, beautiful thing--

Jimbo Jones: Speaking of beautiful things, tongue me, babe.

Shauna Chalmers: How many of you are here for the free cookies, because we've discontinued that.

Seymour Skinner: (RE: LISA) One of our brightest and most meddlesome students called this meeting... somehow... to discuss an urgent menu matter. Lisa?

Lisa Simpson: Our school cafeteria is serving G.M.O.s -- genetically-modified organisms.

Seymour Skinner: And now in order to thoroughly explore the issue, I'd like to play the first video that came up in my web browser when I typed in "G.M.O." plus "danger" plus "question mark".

Sideshow Mel: Hear-hear!

Alarmist Narrator: If there's one thing scientists love it's money. Money, money, money! And that's been true of scientists ever since caveman times.

Alarmist Narrator: We need look no further back than the ancient Mayans, who cross-bred plants and animals in an unholy experiment in what is now a resort that charges thirty dollars a night to valet park.

Alarmist Narrator: Once you're there, they've gotcha.

Alarmist Narrator: The Mayans didn't listen... to themselves.

Alarmist Narrator: Yet, today, we toy with our fate by using retroviruses to create these so-called "super foods". Are we doomed to repeat an event that destroyed all human life? The answer is in your mouth.

Lisa Simpson: Um... that video seemed a little... unscientific.

"Jenny McCarthy": My name is Jenny McCarthy, and I endorse this tirade.

Lisa Simpson: Oh my God! It's worse than I thought. Everybody wait here while I do some actual research. Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone.

Chief Wiggum: Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own!

Lisa Simpson: I say we do not categorically ban genetically modified organisms.

Crowd: Well, G.M.O.s are resistant to pests, disease, and drought. It's just possible that G.M.O.s can actually end world hunger!

Kirk Van Houten: I say let's get these G.M.O.s inside our children! Pronto!

Coach Krupt: Way ahead of you!

Homer Simpson: I'm eating the food of the future. (LIKE ROBOT) Beep, boop. What is... love? Boop, beep, boop.

Monsarno Rep: Lisa, I'd like to thank you for mollifying these land apes. We'd like you and your family to visit us at the Monsarno research campus.

Homer Simpson: Ooh, campus! Do you have a statue of the founder I can stick a funny hat on?

Homer Simpson: (URGENT) Go! Go! Go!

Monsarno Rep: Simpsons, we're trying to change the world, one molecule at a time.

Marge Simpson: Sounds like that would take a while.

Monsarno Rep: Oh, you're right. Everyone, three molecules at a time.

Researcher: (ON PHONE, MAD) I'll be home late, honey. Yeah, three molecules now.

Lisa Simpson: Well, it's nice to see for once a corporation that does good work and cares about people.

Monsarno Rep: Yes, Lisa, we've finally put to bed the silly notion that our company is in any way evil. Now, say hello to our Chief Scientist!

Monsarno Rep: (SCREAMS) Sideshow Bob!

Monsarno Rep: (CORRECTING) Doctor Sideshow Bob.

Homer Simpson: Real doctor or PhD?

Sideshow Bob: (BITTERLY) PhD.

Monsarno Rep: All right. (CLAPS HANDS) I'll leave you and Bob in this locked room to get reacquainted.

Monsarno Rep: Simpsons, there's no need for alarm.

Sideshow Bob: (QUICK) That's not for you to suck!

Sideshow Bob: (NORMAL) Now, where was I? Right, no need to worry. I'm still technically shawshanking it at Springfield Penitentiary.

Bart Simpson: This is getting boring. Either murder us or tell us how you got here.

Sideshow Bob: Very well.

Sideshow Bob: The inanity of the vanity license plate puns was slowly driving me mad.

Sideshow Bob: So when Monsarno Labs asked for experimental subjects, I gladly volunteered.

Sideshow Bob: My job was to make sure the experiments wouldn't be too painful for the test monkeys.

Scientist: I don't know what we're doin' here. We'll pick it up after lunch.

Sideshow Bob: I wrote up my results and went from subject to scientist.

Bart Simpson: (CHUCKLES) Look at me! I'm Sideshow Bob!

Homer Simpson: (SHRIEKS) Sideshow Bob!

Sideshow Bob: Foolish boy! That's phosphoric acid!

Sideshow Bob: A mere sip would've dissolved a hole in your stomach the size of a silver dollar!

Bart Simpson: Yakety, yakety, yak.

Bart Simpson: "The spotted hawk accuses me, he complains of my gab."

Bart Simpson: (FINISHING QUOTE) "I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable"... Walt Whitman, "Leaves of Grass".

Bart Simpson: Very good. Lisa, you always were the one rose petal floating atop the cesspool that is the Simpsons.

Bart Simpson: (OFFENDED NOISES) / (BART) That's mean.

Monsarno Rep: If you're done, our chief scientist has to get back to work. Our corn on the cob has become self-aware.

Sideshow Bob: Wait! Wait! Won't you visit me again? Let me show you I really am trying to make a better world. Lisa, we can talk Walt Whitman... And Homer, I think you'd enjoy the company of the campus's lazy overfed squirrels.

Homer Simpson: "Overfed?" I don't know this word.

Sideshow Bob: Visit me, Lisa. We can discuss poetry, fine art, and if we must, jazz.

Lisa Simpson: Mom... can I visit Bob?

Bart Simpson: Why would you want to do that? He's tried to kill us.

Lisa Simpson: You. He's tried to kill you. Me, I think he likes.

Lisa Simpson: And I refuse to concede a mind that thinks so much like mine can be all bad. Mom?

Marge Simpson: Don't you think the parts that aren't evil are a little pretentious?

Bart Simpson: Absolutely. We're talking about Lisa, right?

Lisa Simpson: Shut up!

Bart Simpson: You shut up!

Lisa Simpson: This is the pinnacle of conversation around here.

Homer Simpson: Fine. I'll take you. They have this cool psych class at the campus I sat in on.

Marge Simpson: (SOTTO TO HOMER) That was a sexual harassment seminar!

Homer Simpson: It doesn't matter. I'm taking it pass-fail.

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: Blowing off steam in the crafts room, Marge?

Marge Simpson: No! I'm not giving up on reaching those kids, and I might just have a secret weapon.

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: Mm hmm. Is it finger puppets?

Marge Simpson: (PUPPET VOICE) Maybe!

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: Well, we haven't had finger puppets in this church since Reverend Brogan was arrested.

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: But I suppose enough time has passed.

Marge Simpson: And that's why Nancy No is the most popular girl in Promiseville High.

DOLPH: (CONSIDERING NOISE) I prefer the modern thinking of Yolanda Yes.

Jimbo Jones: And I think I'd have a shot with Mabel Maybe.

Marge Simpson: (TO SELF) I am so tired of those kids sniggering.

Marge Simpson: Uh-oh. It's Horndog Hank. Well, Nancy knows how to keep him away.

Marge Simpson: Darn it, they're stuck.

Kearney Zzyzwicz: Um, can I take one of those girl puppets home? I won't do nothin' to it.

Sideshow Bob: YOU SAY MODIFIED TO-MAY-TO / I SAY MODIFIED TO-MAH-TO...

Lisa Simpson: I SAY ENGINEERED PO-TAY-TO / YOU SAY ENGINEERED PO-TAH-TO... POTATO!

Sideshow Bob: POTAHTO!

Lisa Simpson: TOMATO!

Sideshow Bob: TOMAHTO!

Lisa Simpson: LET'S SPLICE SOME D.N.A.!

Sideshow Bob: That is my first non-evil laugh in years.

Lisa Simpson: Bob, there's one thing I've gotta know: are you plotting revenge?

Sideshow Bob: I don't plot revenge anymore. It's like love: if it happens, it happens. Now, how 'bout those s'mores?

Lisa Simpson: Dad!

Lisa Simpson: You already ate all the chocolate bars.

Homer Simpson: That's why I've got to get the marshmallows down fast.

Homer Simpson: I like how they cut them down from a hundred and forty characters to a more manageable twenty characters.

Marge Simpson: (ENTERS SADLY) Another seminar tomorrow. I just wish I could connect with those teenagers, since it seems like we'll never have any.

Homer Simpson: (CHUCKLES) Marge, teens can't control their urges. It's why there's never been a teenage President.

Marge Simpson: Are you saying I'm wasting my time?

Homer Simpson: No. I'm saying you're wasting everyone's time. But it's a church thing, so that's a given.

Marge Simpson: Well then maybe I need to give those kids a better example. Goodnight!

Marge Simpson: Shut your eyes, they're too bright.

Homer Simpson: Sorry.

Marge Simpson: Kids, today we have a very special guest -- my husband.

Marge Simpson: I brought Homer here to show that we can, and have, abstained for two whole days.

Shauna Chalmers: Two days? That's all?

Jimbo Jones: That means, three days ago... the two of you... made the blob with two backs!

Homer Simpson: (MAD) Listen, you punks. If you can't handle the image of our naked bodies in the tender act of a-oo-ga, you should never have come to the basement of this holy place.

DOLPH: (DISGUSTED NOISE) He's touching her!

Jimbo Jones: They're practically doin' it here!

Kearney Zzyzwicz: I'll sign the pledge! Just get your fat heaving buttocks out of my head!

Homer Simpson: Never!

Guard: All right, Bob. You've created five thousand patents so one hour of freedom. But remember, your every move will be watched by these unarmed docents.

Docent: That block's gonna need its own ticket.

Sideshow Bob: I have a family membership.

Docent: Well, if that's your kid, kiss it.

Sideshow Bob: What next? Proto-Cubists? (WITH FRENCH ACCENT) The Pointillists? The alleged "Art of Itchy and Scratchy?"

Lisa Simpson: (EXCITED NOISE) I like the Impressionists.

Sideshow Bob: (ROLLS EYES) The boy bands of the art world. But for you, Lisa, I shall face the Renoir with sangfroid.

Worker On Ground: Warmer. Calder. Warmer. Warmer. Calder. Calder. Calder.

Worker On Ladder: That's using your three hundred thousand dollar M.F.A.

Worker On Ground: To the Calder mobile!

Lisa Simpson: Bob! You saved me! (PUZZLED) But how did you get the strength? Calder's work in this period was marked by heavy use of sheet metal painted to look deceptively airy.

Sideshow Bob: Well put.

Lisa Simpson: Thank you. (LAUGHS) Answer the question.

Lisa Simpson: Well... there is something I should have told you. You see, it occurred to me that if I can genetically modify fruits and vegetables, why can't I modify... me!

Lisa Simpson: You've been changing your DNA?!

Sideshow Bob: At first, just a peptide here and there. Carrot for my presbyopia, brahma bull for strength... And a touch of corn for highlights on my hair.

Lisa Simpson: So... how strong are you?

Hans Moleman: Figurines! Get your porcelain figurines!

Sideshow Bob: (OVERLY FRIENDLY) Now how 'bout those impressionists?

Lisa Simpson: But... but we sang Gershwin together!

Sideshow Bob: Well rhapsody in boo-hoo. Do you know why we came to the museum today?

Lisa Simpson: (STARTING TO CRY) Well, I thought it was because it was Tote Bag day.

Sideshow Bob: Well that was part of it!

Sideshow Bob: But the biggest part was that!

Sideshow Bob: Washington's backbone... Einstein's eyebrows... Florence Nightingale's tenacity, though I'll have to clip around her moral fiber.

Lisa Simpson: You're going to take DNA from these historical figures and add it to your own?

Sideshow Bob: I shall be the wisest and strongest maniac ever to bring the blessings of dictatorship to the world!

Bart Simpson: Jig's up, Bob!

Bart Simpson: (GRIM) Return the spear to the homo erectus. (HUGE LAUGH) Homo erectus? Where has that word been all my life? (LAUGHS)

Sideshow Bob: Now Bart, I promised I wouldn't hurt you.

Bart Simpson: You did that for me?

Lisa Simpson: More for mom, but yes.

Sideshow Bob: But beware, I have DNA in me from Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis, better known as (BOOMING) "zombie ant fungus"!

Bart Simpson: (CONFUSED) And we're scared of that because...?

Sideshow Bob: (TIGHTLY WOUND) What I am saying is I could be tipped into a murderous rage by the slightest provocation.

Tourist: Could you take a picture of me with my family?

Tourist: Would you take another for safety?

Tourist: Oh, I think my eyes were shut in that one.

Tourist: Now can you take one with my husband's camera?

Sideshow Bob: (BLIND RAGE) They're all ugly because you're in them!

Sideshow Bob: Taste Praxiteles of Athens! (MOOS LIKE COW)

Lou: Uh, Chief, we got a report of a disturbance at the Met.

Chief Wiggum: We've got bigger problems, Lou: horny teens who should be out having bad sex, but instead somebody made them take an abstinence pledge by the looks of it.

Lenny Leonard: I don't get it. There are taboos about premarital sex in the Middle East, and you don't see those people getting all violent.

Sideshow Bob: You can't escape me, I've got grasshopper thighs and the sonar of a killer whale! (WHALE NOISES)

Lisa Simpson: Uh... Bob, you can't kill us without a little singing, right?

Bart Simpson: A little singing? If there's one thing he did not have to genetically enhance, it's his voice.

Sideshow Bob: (SINGS) NON PIÙ ANDRAI, FARFALLONE AMOROSO...

Homer Simpson: How dare you torture my children with Mozart!

Sideshow Bob: (STOPS) Ahh, you know Mozart?

Homer Simpson: I call all music Mozart!

Marge Simpson: We're here to stop you -- with the help of the teenage abstinence class!

Marge Simpson: If you defeat this madman, I'll release you from your pledge and teach you other fun ways not to get pregnant.

Shauna Chalmers: I think I might be pregnant already.

Marge Simpson: (CHIPPER) Well, that's one of them!

Sideshow Bob: Python jaw... unhinge!

Kearney Zzyzwicz: (SCREAMS) I don't wanna die in some old dude's mouth! (SOBS)

Kearney Zzyzwicz: Bob, would ya look at yourself?

Lisa Simpson: To quote Whitman: "This is what you shall do: love the earth and sun and animals, despise riches, stand up for the stupid and crazy..."

Sideshow Bob: Who am I kidding? My only exit... is a final one.

Lisa Simpson: What? No!

Sideshow Bob: Farewell, Simpsons. And Lisa, when you're older, write an autobiographical novel trashing the rest of them.

Lisa Simpson: How veiled?

Sideshow Bob: (DRAMATIC) Thinly!

Chief Wiggum: Now don't worry. Your friend will always be part of our drinking water.

Sideshow Bob: Oh right, I gave myself gills.

Ned Flanders: I told you, the only dancing I like is "square."

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Hey, I let you pay for those boys' "skipping lessons."

Ned Flanders: (OFF HER LOOK, RESIGNED) Okay.

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: (DELIGHTED) Ned! Ha!

Ned Flanders: (SWEETLY) Sure do miss that laugh.

Nelson Muntz: Haw haw!

Nelson Muntz: I miss her too.