Homer Simpson: Ah, the Miracle Mile -- where value wears a neon sombrero and there's not a single church or library to offend the eye. It truly is a miracle.

Homer Simpson: There it is! The chain that put the "fat" in "fat Southern sheriffs!"

Homer Simpson: I want a colossal donut. Just like the one on the sign.

Homer Simpson: (ANNOYED GRUNT) Nuts!

Homer Simpson: That's false advertising! Lard Lad lied!

Teenage Clerk: Sorry, sir. No refunds.

Homer Simpson: I paid for a colossal donut, and I'm gonna get a colossal donut.

Teenage Clerk: You don't scare us!

Radio Announcer: Astronomers from Tacoma to Vladivostok have just reported an ionic disturbance in the vicinity of the Van Allen Belt. Scientists are recommending that all necessary precautions be taken.

Homer Simpson: (SCOFFING) Eggheads. What do they know?

Homer Simpson: Hee hee hee. I've got your donut, Lard Lad! And what are you gonna do about it?

Marge Simpson: Homer! Where did you get that?

Homer Simpson: (GENUINE INNOCENCE) Get what?

Marge Simpson: That giant donut.

Homer Simpson: Well... I acquired it legally, you can be sure of that.

College Students: Beer me, dude! / Party on, Tex! / Yeah, let's party, baby! (AD LIB, ETC.)

Store Owner: (OLD JEWISH MAN VOICE) Fellas, where are you going at this hour?! Hey, don't scratch up them heads!

Kent Brockman: Good morning, everybody. Panic is gripping Springfield as giant advertising mascots rampage through the city. Perhaps it's part of some daring new ad campaign. But what new product could justify such carnage? ...A cleanser? A fat-free fudge cake that doesn't let you down in the flavor department like so many others--

Otto Mann: (RUBBING EYES) Whoa! Another acid flashback! Man, I'd hate to be driving a bus right now.

Chief Wiggum: Aw, they're not so tough.

Lou: Ah, Chief, that wasn't a monster. That was the captain of the high school basketball team.

Chief Wiggum: (COVERING) Uh, yeah... Well, he was turning into a monster, though.

Bart Simpson: (SLY) What are you waitin' for? Wreck the school. You know you wanna.

Bart Simpson: (GRUFFLY) I agree. Destroy the school.

Homer Simpson: Hello? Yes? (REALIZING) Oh! Uh... if you're looking for that big donut of yours... uh... Flanders has it. (POINTING, NONCHALANT) Just smash open his house.

Homer Simpson: (AFTERTHOUGHT) He came to life. Good for him.

Ned Flanders: Help me! Help me, Lord!

Homer Simpson: I told you: Flanders has it. (IDEA) Or Moe! (PUSHING HIM A LITTLE) Go kill Moe.

Marge Simpson: Homer! Just give him the donut. Once he has it, that will be the end of all this horror.

Homer Simpson: (RELUCTANT) Well... okay. If it'll end horror.

Homer Simpson: Don't you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?

Marge Simpson: (MEEKLY) Sometimes.

Marge Simpson: These monsters are destroying everything and everyone we hold dear! (THEN) And you kids should have jackets on.

Lisa Simpson: Hey, what's that in his footprint?

Lisa Simpson: (GETTING AN IDEA) Hmmmmm.

Lisa Simpson: If your advertising agency created all those giant characters, you must know how to stop them.

Mr. Van Brunt: (THOUGHTFULLY) Well, sir, advertising is a funny thing. If people stop paying attention to it, pretty soon it goes away.

Lisa Simpson: Like that old woman who couldn't find the beef?

Mr. Van Brunt: Exactly. If you stop paying attention to the monsters, they'll lose their powers.

Lisa Simpson: But people can't help looking at them. They're wrecking the town.

Mr. Van Brunt: You know, maybe a jingle would help.

Mr. Van Brunt: (HALF SINGING) Don't watch the... (DIFFERENT MELODY) ... don't watch the.... (FANCY MOVE)... monstersssss. (BEAT) It'll sound a lot better comin' outta Paul Anka.

Lisa Simpson: Hey, Springfield! Are you suffering from the heartbreak of (DEEP VOICE) monsteritis? (NORMAL VOICE) Then take a tip from Mr. Paul Anka...

Paul Anka: (SINGING) TO STOP THOSE MONSTERS 1-2-3 / HERE'S A FRESH NEW WAY THAT'S TROUBLE FREE / IT'S GOT PAUL ANKA'S GUARANTEE /

Lisa Simpson: (SINGING) GUARANTEE VOID IN TENNESSEE.

Paul Anka: (SINGING) JUST DON'T LOOK! / JUST DON'T LOOK!

Townspeople: (SINGING) JUST DON'T LOOK! / JUST DON'T LOOK!

Townspeople: (SINGING) Just don't look! / Just don't look!

Lisa Simpson: It worked! They're all dead!

Bart Simpson: Well, except for Chubsy-Ubsy over there.

Homer Simpson: Mmmm.... sprinkles.

Marge Simpson: Homer, stop looking!

Lisa Simpson: Don't make us poke your eyes out, Dad.

Kang: Here comes something!

Kodos: Remember the story. We're newlyweds on our way to Earth Capital.

Kang: (ANNOYED GRUNT) Shazbot.

Kent Brockman: Even as I speak, the scourge of advertising could be heading toward your town. (BUILDING) Lock your doors. Bar your windows. Because the next advertisement you see could destroy your house and eat your family.

Homer Simpson: (LEANING IN, SLICK) We'll be right back.

Bart Simpson: Okay boy. Catch the Frisbee.

Bart Simpson: Good catch, boy.

Santa's Little Helper: (UPPER-CLASS VOICE) Thanks, Bart.

Santa's Little Helper: (SYMPATHETIC) Oh, hard luck.

Groundskeeper Willie: Glad to rake your acquaintance. (EVIL LAUGH)

Bart Simpson: (SIGHS) It was only a dream.

Homer Simpson: (VERY CONCERNED) Bart?! Is that you?

Bart Simpson: Yes.

Homer Simpson: Take out the garbage.

Bart Simpson: ...And then he raked me across the chest. And the weirdest thing was, it was that school janitor who mysteriously disappeared -- Groundskeeper Willie.

Lisa Simpson: (GASP) Oh my God! Bart, Groundskeeper Willie was in my nightmare, too! But he got me with hedge-clippers!

Nelson Muntz: He ran his floor-buffer over me!

Seymour Skinner: (CHUCKLES) Children, I couldn't help monitoring your conversation. There's no mystery about Willie. Why, he simply disappeared... Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-up.

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: Remember, class, the worse you do on this standardized test, the more funding the school gets, so don't knock yourselves out. You have three hours to complete--

Martin Prince: (RAISING HAND) Finished!

Edna Krabappel-Flanders: (ROLLING EYES) Then put your head down on your desk and sit quietly.

Martin Prince: Aah, a duet of pleasures!

Martin Prince: I am the Wondrous Wizard of Latin! I am a dervish of declension and a conjurer of conjugation, with a million hit points and maximum charisma!

Martin Prince: (TRIUMPHANT; POINTING TO BOARD) Ha ha! Morire: To die. Morit: He, she, or it dies.

Groundskeeper Willie: Moris: You die.

Groundskeeper Willie: (CHUCKLES) Ye've mastered a dead tongue, but can ye handle a live one?

Martin Prince: (SCREAMS IN HORROR) Aagh! Aaaaaaugh!

Nelson Muntz: Haw haw!

Seymour Skinner: (WHISPERS) Wheel him out quietly. It's best the children don't see him.

Seymour Skinner: Oh, just get it out of here!

Seymour Skinner: Not into the kindergarten!

Lisa Simpson: Mom, Dad -- Martin died at school today!

Marge Simpson: (SHOCKED MURMUR) I don't see what that has to do with Groundskeeper Willie.

Bart Simpson: Um... We didn't mention Groundskeeper Willie, Mom.

Marge Simpson: (GRUNTS) Kids, it's time we told you the true story and put your fears to rest. It's a story of murder and revenge from beyond the grave.

Marge Simpson: (OMINOUS) It all started on the thirteenth hour of the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month. We were there to discuss the misprinted calendars the school had purchased.

Homer Simpson: (SHIVERING) Lousy Smarch weather.

Homer Simpson: (READING) "Do not touch Willie." Good advice.

Seymour Skinner: Our next budget item: Twelve dollars for doorknob repair.

All Parents: NAY!

Seymour Skinner: ...Recharge fire extinguishers. This is a free service of the fire department.

All Parents: NAY!

Groundskeeper Willie: (SCREAMS) Help! Please help me!

Seymour Skinner: Willie, please, Mr. Van Houten has the floor.

Kirk Van Houten: I, for one, would like to see the cafeteria menus in advance, so parents can adjust their dinner menus accordingly. I don't like the idea of Milhouse having two spaghetti meals in one day.

Groundskeeper Willie: (RASPY) Ye'll pay for this with yer children's blood!

Chief Wiggum: (MOCKING) Oh, right. How ya gonna get 'em? "Skeleton power"?

Groundskeeper Willie: I'll strike where ye kinna protect them -- in their dreams!

Lisa Simpson: Bart, don't you realize what this means? The next time we fall asleep we could die!

Grampa Simpson: Welcome to my world!

Tv Announcer #1: ...On this edition of Asian Market Wrap-Up.

Tv Announcer #2: There's a volcano waiting to erupt in the Pacific Rim. Its name? Medium- Term Convertible Debentures. (AUDIO LOWER) With rates fluctuating as wildly as 1/4 of a percent per day...

Lisa Simpson: It's no use, Bart. We can't stay up forever.

Bart Simpson: (GETS AN IDEA) You're right. The only thing left to do is to go into my dream and force Willie into a final showdown. (INTENSE) You stay awake, and if it looks like I'm in trouble, wake me up.

Lisa Simpson: Okay, but promise you won't be grouchy.

Bart Simpson: (NERVOUS) Come on, Willie. I know you're out there.

Bart Simpson: (GASP) The sandbox!

Bart Simpson: Hey Lawn-Boy! You missed a spot!

Groundskeeper Willie: When I'm done with ye, they'll have to do a compost-mortem!

Groundskeeper Willie: Ach! Sinky-sand! (YELPS OF DISTRESS)

Bart Simpson: (RELIEVED SIGH) Willie's gone for good. Now I can get back to my normal dreams: me and Krusty winning the Superbowl.

Krusty the Clown: (PANTING) Bart, there's two seconds left! (TOSSES BART THE BALL AND RUNS OFFSTAGE) Now listen up. It's your basic Statue of Liberty play -- with one twist -- you throw it to me. Knute Rockne called it the forward pass. Now the clock's still running so it's important we start this play as quickly as possible.

Krusty the Clown: (REVOLTED NOISE) Oh, boy. Don't dream about me no more, kid.

Bart Simpson: Help! Lisa, help!

Lisa Simpson: Bart, you're in trouble! Wake up!

Bart Simpson: Wait a minute... If you're here, then you've fallen asleep too!

Lisa Simpson: I'm not asleep, I'm just resting my eye-- uh oh.

Lisa Simpson: Good-bye, Bart!

Bart Simpson: Good-bye Lis. (BITTER) I hope you get reincarnated as someone who can stay awake for fifteen minutes.

Lisa Simpson: You saved us, Maggie!

Lisa Simpson: I don't know, Bart. Something tells me Willie's still out there, and that he could come back any time in any form and kill us in ways we can't even imagine.

Groundskeeper Willie: Stop! I left my gun on the seat!

Groundskeeper Willie: Wait here, please.

Groundskeeper Willie: Aw, geez!

Marge Simpson: (CALLING) Homer? Get ready. Patty and Selma will be here any minute.

Homer Simpson: (MOAN) Oh, no. Better ride this one out in the closet.

Lisa Simpson: Sorry, dad. This is our spot.

Homer Simpson: Oh yeah? Well it's my house, so it's my spot.

Bart Simpson: Nuh-uh, 'cause we called it.

Homer Simpson: (DEFIANT) Did not.

Lisa Simpson: Well, we're calling it now.

Homer Simpson: (ALARMED) You are?

Bart Simpson: 'Fraid so.

Homer Simpson: (MOANS) They got me with their legal mumbo-jumbo.

Marge Simpson: Just a second!

Homer Simpson: Huh? I never looked behind this whatchamacallit case before.

Homer Simpson: That's weird. It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.

Patty Bouvier: How's it hangin', Marge?

Selma Bouvier: Ugh. I'm baking like a meatloaf under this wet wool.

Bart Simpson: (COVERING) Uh, may I take your coat, Aunt Selma?

Lisa Simpson: (STILTED) Um, I would also like to take your coat.

Selma Bouvier: Have we got a family activity for you! A pillowcase full of seashells from our trip to Sulfur Bay.

Patty Bouvier: You're gonna help us clean and organize 'em. And pry out all the dead hermit crabs. Get a screwdriver.

Homer Simpson: (STIFLED YELP) I'll take my chances in the mystery wall.

Homer's Brain: (AWED) Oh glory of glories! Oh heavenly testament to the eternal majesty of God's creation!

Homer's Mouth: Holy macaroni!

Patty Bouvier: (SLURPING SOUND, FOLLOWED BY SPITTING SOUND) Hey! You can just suck 'em out!

Homer Simpson: (ECHOEY) Hello? Can anybody hear me?

Marge Simpson: Homer? Where are you?

Homer Simpson: I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am.

Marge Simpson: Do you see towels? If you see towels, you're probably in the linen closet again.

Homer Simpson: Just a second... No, it's a place I've never been before.

Selma Bouvier: Ah, the shower! (LAUGHS)

Homer Simpson: Hey!

Homer Simpson: (NOT ECHOEY) I don't want to alarm you, Marge...

Homer Simpson: But I seem to be trapped in here.

Marge Simpson: (CONCERNED MURMUR) We better call Ned. He has a ladder.

Homer Simpson: What's going on here? I'm so bulgy...

Homer Simpson: My stomach sticks way out in front and my...

Ned Flanders: Well, as the tree said to the lumberjack -- I'm stumped.

Selma Bouvier: Hunh. It's like he just disappeared into fat air.

Homer Simpson: (OVER HIS SHOULDER) Hey, shut up!

Homer Simpson: Mmm... Unprocessed fish sticks. (DROOL SOUND)

Homer Simpson: Man, this place looks expensive. I feel like I'm wasting a fortune just standing here. (STARTS HUMMING) Better make the most of it. (BEAT, THEN BELCH)

Homer Simpson: (RUBBING BUTT) Ow! Watch it, coney.

Homer Simpson: Oops.

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: (CALLING OUT) Do you see a light, Homer?

Homer Simpson: Yes.

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: Move into the light, my son.

Homer Simpson: (SIZZLING SOUND) Ow!

Dr. Julius Hibbert: Homer, this is your physician, Dr. Julius Hibbert. Can you tell us what it's like in there?

Homer Simpson: Um, it's like, ahm... did anyone see the movie "Tron"?

Dr. Julius Hibbert: No.

Lisa Simpson: No.

Chief Wiggum: No.

Marge Simpson: No.

Bart Simpson: No.

Patty Bouvier: No.

Chief Wiggum: No.

Ned Flanders: No.

Selma Bouvier: No.

Professor Jonathan Frink: No.

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: No.

Chief Wiggum: Yes. I mean no. No.

Lisa Simpson: Well, where's my dad?

Professor Jonathan Frink: Well, that should be obvious to even the most dimwitted individual -- who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology -- that Homer Simpson has stumbled into... (DRAMATICALLY) the Third Dimension.

Lisa Simpson: (SMALL) Sorry.

Professor Jonathan Frink: Here is an ordinary square...

Chief Wiggum: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Egghead!

Professor Jonathan Frink: But suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe, along the hypothetical Z axis there.

Professor Jonathan Frink: This forms a three-dimensional object known as a "cube" or a "Frinkahedron", in honor of its discoverer (MODEST FRINK NOISE).

Homer Simpson: (SCARED) Help me! Are you helping me, or are you going on and on?

Professor Jonathan Frink: (AFTERTHOUGHT) Oh, right, and of course, within we find the doomed individual.

Chief Wiggum: (LEAPING UP) Enough of your borax, Poindexter! A man's life is at stake! We need action!

Chief Wiggum: Take that, you lousy dimension!

Homer Simpson: Oh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish I'd read that book by that wheelchair guy.

Grampa Simpson: I'll save Homer. All I needs is four stout men to work the bellows.

Professor Jonathan Frink: No, Pops, it's too risky. For all we know, there could be cubes in there the size of gorillas and other large...

Homer Simpson: Help! I don't have much time!

Bart Simpson: That does it. I'm going in.

Marge Simpson: Bart, no!

Bart Simpson: Cool, man!

Homer Simpson: (CRAZED WITH FEAR) (AD-LIB BABBLING ABOUT THE BLACK HOLE) I'm gonna be sucked into the black hole!... I'm gonna be sucked into oblivion!... I'm gonna be nothing and what's gonna become of me on the other side?! I don't know... (ETC.)

Bart Simpson: I'll save you, Dad.

Bart Simpson: Oh, I can't get any closer! You'll have to jump!

Homer Simpson: (PHONY CONFIDENCE) Piece of cake, son!

Homer Simpson: (AS HE DISAPPEARS) Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap!

Marge Simpson: Bart, what happened?!

Bart Simpson: Well, we hit a little snag when the universe sorta collapsed on itself... but dad seemed cautiously optimistic.

Homer Simpson: (DISTANT) Craaaaaaaaaap!

Marge Simpson: Oh, Homie...

Rev. Timothy Lovejoy: Be strong, Marge. I'm sure he's gone to a better place.

Homer Simpson: Eww. This is the worst place yet.

Homer Simpson: Omigod... (TERRIFIED WHIMPERS)

Homer Simpson: (HAPPILY) Ooh, erotic cakes!